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But I really fucking want to.
Where is he? Why is he not here? Aren’t they all friends? I dressed up a little, expecting that he would be joining us for dinner tonight. So yeah, I’m disappointed to not see him... but also relieved.
It would be awkward.
Painful.
Both Nate and Mack—who works for Connor as his personal security—are around every few days but never Decker. I visit Mia every day, and there might be a little part of me hoping to see him.
What would I say if he did walk in right now?Oh hey, thanks for saving me last week. Good trip. Oh, and what have you been doing with my virginity? Also, sorry you fell in love with me, but you also nearly got me killed, so I can’t love you back. Even though I do. But hey, I’m doing fine. Not thinking about you at all.
Just every day.
Every night.
And all the hours in between.
I sit down on the sofa opposite Mia, and Sienna flops down beside me. Then she gasps and grabs my hand.
“Izzy!”
Oh, yeah. That.
“Talk about secret keeping,” Mia says, tipping her head to the side and raising a brow.
She’s seen it. Hell, everyone has seen it. It’s huge. And ugly.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Sienna asks and I can see that she thinks the four-carat square-cut diamond is as gory as I do. There’s something so harsh and cold about it. Plus, it’s heavy as hell and I have small hands.
Damn thing keeps spinning around my finger.
Todd slid it on before he left the night he came for dinner and romantically said. “Just a reminder you’re marrying me in case you’ve forgotten.”
“I haven’t.” I replied dryly.
“Good. Next week, after our weekly dinner, I think it’s time we teach this mouth of yours to suck cock.” Todd gripped my face and stared at my lips.
Too late.
Mom and Dad had joined us and thankfully, that conversation had ended. The pride on my father’s face keeping me from screaming out that I couldn’t do this.
That I had feelings for another man.
That I felt that I belonged to him and right now he could be hurting. Or sleeping with another woman. Or flying to the other side of the world.
Or... or... or I just don’t know.
I don’t even have his number, so how can I ring him even if I did decide to end it? Which I can’t. My father’s smile is lodged in my brain, and I couldn’t live with myself if I let him down.
I let out a sigh and tuck my hand between my legs as I cross them.
My friends deserve an explanation.
“Honestly, I’ve known Todd most of my life. It’s a family thing. We just... I don’t know. It’s not some romantic tale like you both have.”
“Would we call meeting Sienna while I was undercover and saving her from being shot during a gangster massacre, romantic?” Nathan asks Connor as he takes the offered glass of whisky.
Mia giggles.
