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Fuck. My dick was really into this, lengthening inside my shorts, tenting the fabric and brushing against Theo’s hard cock.
Theo. Hard cock.
Whoa, hold the fuck up.
Theo Lewin. Who was a man, for a start, and I was one hundred percent straight. And he was the one person I hated, and oh, yeah, did I mention that he was a fucking man, and even worse,he wasTheo fucking Lewin?
My head reeled as the pieces slotted into place, and then I broke out of his hold, pushing at his chest so violently he went flying back into the water with a huge splash, a tsunami crashing over both of our bodies.
“What the fuck was that?” I wiped at my mouth and then spat into the water, needing to get rid of the taste of him from my tongue. “What the fuck, Lewin?”
Clearly at a loss for words, his mouth opened and closed a few times, but then he recovered, his eyes glittering dangerously. “Yeah, what the fuck. Don’t pretend you didn’t want that.”
“I absolutely did not.Youwanted it. You’re the one who kissed me.”
“It was the only way to get you to shut up. It was that or punch your smug fucking face. I’m at the end of my tether, Jordan. My symptoms are—” Cutting himself off with an angry exhale, his nostrils flaring, he pursed his lips, sinking down into the water so only his head and the tops of his shoulders remained above the surface.
My curiosity was piqued again. Wading across the pool, tracked by his wary gaze, I stopped in front of him and sank down to his level. “What symptoms?”
He shook his head, sending mud sliding from his hair to streak down the side of his throat. “It doesn’t matter.”
Cupping my hand, I lifted it carefully, letting the water trickle down the side of his head, following the streaks of dirt and washing it away. He stared at me with heavy-lidded eyes, his lips slightly parted, watching me with that same wary look as I repeated the process, this time with two hands, cleansing his raven hair of the remaining mud. “Tell me. Please.”
His eyes closed, his shoulders slumping as the breath whooshed from his lungs on a heavy sigh. “I can’t.”
I pushed aside the tangled knot of barbed wire that made up my feelings regarding him and moved even closer, placing a hand on his shoulder, my thumb brushing over his collarbone. “Tell me,please. I won’t be Jordan. I’ll be…I’ll be someone who cares. Pretend I’m not me.”
He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I…I have a problem with sleeping pills.”Fuuuck. Of all the things he could’ve told me, I’d never have even guessed it was anything like this. “At—at first, I was only taking them before games, like some of the other players do. Then I…I got used to the effect. I liked it. I’ve had trouble sleeping since—for a long time, and it… I liked being able to fall asleep at night. I started taking them more often, and then they weren’t enough. Some days, I had to have two or three. Most days, lately. When you joined the team, it got even worse, and then I couldn’t stop.”
A shocked cry tore from my throat, my eyes widening and filling with unexpected moisture.Me? Fucking hell, I was to blame for—
“Don’t. Jordan.”
I raised my blurry gaze to Theo’s. His hand came up, catching a stray tear with his thumb.
“It’s not your fault, okay? It’s mine. You had nothing to do with it.”
“But I made it worse.”
“You didn’t. You made my life hell—youmakemy life hell—but this is all on me.”
“Okay,” I whispered, biting down on my lip. I didn’t believe him, and he must’ve known what I was thinking because he rolled his eyes and then sighed.
“As much as I’d love to blame you, this was all me, I promise. As for the symptoms… To cut a long story short, I forgot to bring my pills with me. I was sick on the plane, which turned out to be the first of my withdrawal symptoms. I’ve also had anxiety and mood swings and headaches. The insomnia and the cravings have been the worst, though.”
“You know, I wouldn’t have guessed about the mood thing. Although…now I think about it, it has been easier to rile you up since we’ve been here,” I mused. “I’ve got the bruises to show for it.”
Beneath the water, his hand found mine, and he lifted it, placing it on his arm where I’d grabbed it earlier when we were fighting. “I have the bruises to show for it, and they’re right where that mosquito bit me.”
“If you’re looking for sympathy for that, you won’t be getting it. You deserved everything I gave you.” Tugging my hand out of his grip, I dunked my body underwater, head and all. A question kept trying to come out of my mouth, and I needed to drown it before it could be asked.
When I resurfaced, Theo’s brows were raised.
“What?” I glared at him.
“Ask it.”
Was he a fucking mind reader? The only reason I responded to him was because I felt guilty for the sleeping pills thing. “Was kissing me one of the withdrawal side effects?”
