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But he keeps staring at me,and there’s something of the boy I first met when he started at Chesterford.The shy, bright-eyed artist was back, with his hesitant smile. I’d likedthatversion of Jonah, had thought we might be friends, hell, for a few seconds, I felt the tug of attraction. Way back. Before Felix. I felt my mood drop instantly, and just like that, Mom could tell something was wrong.
Mom took the stool opposite—we always ate food at the counter in the kitchen and never in the formal dining room.
“Is he doing it the right way?” she asked after a pause.
“Is who doing what the right way?” I’d gone down a rabbit hole of thoughts and lost the thread of what we’d been talking about.
“Jonah. Is he making amends the right way, or is he making you see things that aren’t there? Is he being true?” She was asking the right questions—Dad had tried frequently to get back in our lives by saying he’d turned a new leaf. Was that what Jonah was doing? A sudden chill ran down my spine—was Jonah being truthful? I hadn’t even thought about that, but was he going to do a dad on me and turn on a dime?
Not everyone is your father.My therapist’s words filtered into my brain. The key messages he’d always wanted me to cling to were that my dad’s shortcomings weren’t my fault and not everyone out there has a nasty streak like he did.
I thought about the answer, then sighed. “Well, he seems to think the way to forgiveness is to feed me. So far, I’ve had a banana, candy, and a bowl of chili that he says is made of love or something.” I hadn’t followed everything he’d been saying, too busy staring at the scarlet that brightened his cheeks when embarrassment tripped him up and watching the emotion in his dark eyes.
Mom was quiet, meeting my gaze steadily, and I squirmed in my chair. She was using the mom look, and I wasn’t sure why.
“You like him,” she said.
I ignored that because I didn’t know what I felt about him. “Do you think, maybe, he’s just confused about life? It can’t be easy being the odd one out at school, y’know, the scholarship and everything?”
“Just promise me you won’t do anything stupid like make excuses for someone who never stood up for you?” she said with a concerned expression and a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
Is that what I was doing? “I won’t.”
Yesterday’s foodgift from Jonah had been three miniature bags of Haribo Starmix, with a Post-it note that said he’d chosen the ones that had the most fried egg-shaped candy for me.
How did he know they were my favorites? I loved nibbling at the yellow part, then finishing with the white, and I thought only Soren knew that. Unless Soren had told Felix who told Jonah, which was why I was now confronting Soren and trying to ignore the fact he wasn’t taking this seriously.
“Just answer the question.”
He pasted on a serious expression. “No, I didn’t tell Felix that you like those freaky little Haribo eggs, and I’m sure, even if I did, that he wouldn’t have shared this vital information with one of two people he goes out of his way to avoid.”
“Well, somehow Jonah found out,” I said.
Soren shrugged. “Lucky guess?”
Maybe the eggshadbeen nothing more than a lucky guess, but when Jonah dropped a red velvet cupcake decorated with vanilla icing and sprinkles on my desk in study period, I reached my limit.
“How do you know that this is my favorite cake?” I demanded loudly before he could back away to make his escape.
He blinked at me, and I was lost in his eyes again. Jeez. What was wrong with me?
His gaze raked me from head to toe, and he blushed. “Your pink is back.” He pointed at my hair and ignored my question completely.
“And?” I snapped. “Am I toogayfor you?” Wow, where had that come from?
“No! I like it, sorry, I uhm…” He turned and scurried off so fast I had no hope of catching him, given the entire contents of my backpack were spread out on the desk.
“What was that all about?” Courtney asked. We’d gotten about half way through study period, and I’d been so engrossed in what I was doing, I’d clearly forgotten she was there.
“Jonah keeps feeding me,” I said as I pointed at the door he’d left through.
She rested her chin on her hands. “Tell me more.”
I glanced at the people around me. It was only Courtney and a kid from my AP Math class who was seriously lost in working out whatever meant he had three calculators on his desk. I leaned in; she leaned in.
“He says he’s sorry, and food is the way he’s doing it. I mean, look at these!” I pulled out the three bags of candy.
She reached past me to snag one of the packs of Haribo, opening it and handing me the egg, which of course I took—I wasn’t so confused that I’d turn down perfectly good candy.
