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I gripped my phone hard. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive Dad for what he did to you?”
She stiffened momentarily. “Why do you ask that? Has something happened? Is it your dad? Is he contacting you?”
“No to Dad.” I paused. “But…” I sighed and burrowed deeper, and she held me tight. “I like Jonah. A lot. I thought he was… I thought I could… I’ve kissed him.”
She knew who Jonah was—that wasn’t the issue, it was that she would never be able to forgive any of them for making me cry. She was struggling with Felix, but making the effort, and always asking me if it was okay.
“You kissed him?” She didn’t sound shocked, or angry.
“And he’s not who you think he is.”
“Okay.”
“He’s trying so hard to be a different person, and I think I’m falling for the genuine parts of him.”
“There sounds like you have a but?”
Was there a but? Not about my growing attraction to Jonah, but about what had happened tonight. “Miles was at Hot Pot, and he said some things about what Jonah had done, and he whispered stuff I couldn’t hear, and then, Jonah left.”
Mom stayed quiet for a while. “He left you with Miles?” If anything, she was even tenser now, on the brink of anger, or maybe knee-deep in it already.
“No, he stood up for me again, but the broken parts of him were right there, all the guilt and anxiety, and parts we’d been so close to understanding. He says he’ll see me in the morning, but then, he added a bit aboutif I wanted. Of course, I want to.”
“Be careful,” she warned gently. “Look out for yourself in all of this, trust your instincts, don’t…” She stopped and hugged me tightly. I knew what she was going to say.Don’t be the victim; don’t let yourself be manipulated, or worse, hurt so bad that everything was painful.
“I won’t,” I promised. I eased away from her, and she was crying. Not huge gasping emotions falling out of her, but silent tears that were somehow worse. Dad wasn’t part of our lives anymore, but his hold on her would never ease entirely. I’d seen her crying before, and every time, I’d just held her and loved her completely. That didn’t mean I wanted to see her cry now.
“You like Felix, right?”
She curled back in the corner and nodded. “I like his dad a lot, and I’m attempting not to hold onto the bad feelings about Felix for what he did to you, for seeing past the pain that child carried, and seeing him for the person he could be. He’s kind to you now, and you’ve forgiven him, so I’m trying. But Jonah… I don’t know him well enough.” She tapped her knee absently. “Invite him for dinner. Saturday.”
“I’m not sure where we’ll be at by then,” I said, sadly, knowing he was probably reliving all the things he’d been part of and thinking I hated him, and that I believed what Miles said. “But I’m determined to get him to visit.”
Mom kissed the top of my head. “I’ll make pot roast. Just for the three of us.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“And you want some advice?” she asked.
“Always.”
“If he believes you think bad of him, and you truly don’t? Change his mind.”
With my mom’s advice ringing in my ears, I sent a message to Jonah, hoping he had his phone with him and hadn’t thrown it out of his window. Although, why he’d do that I don’t know, but never let it be said I lacked imagination.
Tyler:Dinner Saturday. My mom’s making pot roast.
Nothing.
Tyler:Did you get the message?
Tyler:Answer me if you can.
Tyler:I don’t believe a thing Miles said.
Still nothing. Not bouncing dots or ticks to indicate he’d read what I wrote. I sighed but was utterly determined he didn’t go to bed thinking we were done.
Tyler:Unlock your phone Jonah!
