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A shadow fell across my books, and I sighed, hoping to hell it wasn’t someone who wanted to talk to me because this essay on evolutionary principles wouldn’t write itself. I waited for the shadow to leave, or move, orsomething, but it seemed like I was waiting in vain, and finally, when I couldn’t ignore it any more, I glanced up.
Jonah.
My flight instinct kicked in, but eased almost immediately when I realized it was just Jonah and there was no sign of Miles. Talk about a Pavlov’s dog-type reaction.
Jonah was mostly okay when it was just him, a bit of a dick for watching things go down, but okay when he was solo. Not that we talked, because if we were on our own, he would move away to avoid me, and then scurry off in any direction he could find. Only, here he was standing in the light and staring down at me, and I could see his mouth moving.
All I could hear was the chorus of “Defying Gravity”, and I gestured to my ears to indicate the buds under my layered pink hair.
He nodded and indicated I take them out. Fuck. If I removed them, I’d have to talk to him, and I didn’t have it in me to have a heated chat about whatever made Jonah look so determined.
He stared at me.
I stared back.
Then, with a sigh, I pulled out the buds and the song stopped.
“Hi,” he said after a pause. I glanced past him, making sure Miles hadn’t in fact made his way into the study room and was waiting to pounce on me. He’d already threatened me with payback for turning him in and said that in the less than thirty seconds he’d had before his father pushed him out of the main door.
I’ll get you for doing this. That was what Miles had snarled at me. It didn’t help that Miles’ dad had sneered, snorted in disgust, and then, shoved his son in the back. The parting words from his dad were just as nasty as Miles were—the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
You couldn’t take that kid out? Didn’t raise you to be a freaking loser.
I knew all about shitty fathers, and for a moment, I recognized the hate in his father that meant maybe Miles never stood a chance. I knew how hard it was to fight out from under all the hate, but I’d had Mom, and she’d been my guiding light every single day of my life.
Maybe Miles’ mom was as much of a loser as his dad?
He couldn’t be more wrong about me making the complaint—nothing good came from involving outside parties after threats of intimidation—just ask my mom. I had no idea who’d accused the two boys of bullying, given it was anonymous, but it definitely hadn’t been me. If I thought it was worth bothering with, I would have reported things long ago, but I had knowledge of bigger bullies than Miles, and had terrifying firsthand experience of what happened when an aggressor was backed into a corner.
“And?” I prompted Jonah, who was bouncing on his toes a little, as if he couldn’t stay still. I waited patiently, and when he opened his mouth a couple of times, just to shut it again, I was about done with waiting for him to talk and picked up the buds to continue my research.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted, his dark eyes shining with emotion.
I could feel the gaze of all the students in the study room focused on whatever was going on here. I should have gone to the library—no one goes there to study except the kids who actually had to try really hard to do well in subjects. Now was the perfect time for me to make a big thing of him standing there; humiliate him, shout at him, rail at him for all the times he could have done more than just watch.
Instead, because I was so torn between understanding and the hateful need for revenge, I deliberately replaced my earbuds and bent my head to the book open on the desk. He was still there. Still bouncing.
Then, he placed something on the corner of the desk and walked away. I refused to watch him leave.
He’d left me a candy bar, my favorite—Snickers—right there with a Post-it note stuck to the front. It held one word.Sorry.
Only then did I glance the way he’d gone, to find him watching me through the glass of the door, a hopeful expression demanding I acknowledge the weird-ass gift.
I nodded.
Then immediately pretended to go back to studying.
It was safer not to engage.
* * *
The Halloween dancewas on school grounds, the large sports hall turned into a landscape of flashing lights and balloons. Even so, as soon as I saw that Miles was here, despite recently having finished his suspension, I probably shouldn’t have gone to the bathroom on my own. I should have talked to a chaperone, or if I’d said where I was going, then Soren would have come with me, or Felix, given he’d appointed himself as the outspoken champion of all things protecting Tyler.
While Felix remained cautious around me, as if he were waiting for me to snap and demand he answer for all the shit he’d given me, he was also uber protective, and just a tiny bit annoying. Well, actually a lot annoying—I didn’t need or want Felix watching my every move, getting between me and anyone who dared to look at me wrong. I knew he was trying to make up for the stuff he’d been part of, but his vocal and physical support was going so far the other way that it messed up everything.
It didn’t help that my chest still tightened when Felix spoke to me, and I knew it was hard for him as he tried to make amends, but it was hard for me too.
My feelings are valid.
