AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Armon
We left the hospital soon after I went to Nikki. There was nothing the doctors could do for her at that point. The baby was no more. It felt as though my brother had been stolen away once again.
From the center of our bed, Nikki's attention returned to her best attempt at a smile as she wiped her tear-streaked cheeks.
It was only months ago that I felt absolutely in love with her for a short time when I thought the baby was mine. When her smiles meant everything to me. This smile was a pained one. A sorrow I understood too well.
The miscarriage happened days ago, yet I hadn’t found out until my return, since I ignored her after several overdramatic texts. It had been my fault. If I'd only stayed at home instead of intentionally making her miserable, my brother's child would still be alive.
"Lay by me." It sounded as more of a question.
I got on the bed and sat with my back to the headboard. I too was still in shock. In a way, it felt like I was grieving with my brother. I couldn't go to anyone else yet or I'd fall apart.
"We'll try again," she said, sniffling. She rested her head on my lap.
I couldn't tell her my intentions to divorce her. Not with so much having happened. Despite hating her, there was no one else who would understand this moment, nor was I able to process her emotions on top of my own.
I was also still angry she hadn't told anyone and refused to cooperate with doctors as she fell apart. But that still fell upon the stress I had caused. I wouldn't try again, though. When I got up to leave to avoid the conversation she wanted to have, Nikki spoke.
"The last several months have been hard to bear, but going to her won't heal you. I will."
I slid my shoe on. "I'm not going to her." In truth, I needed to get away from both women in my life—from everyone. "I have work to catch up on, so I will check on you later.
Maybe Nikki was right about months of misery. I would never have considered such a relationship if I'd been of sound mind. It would sicken my brother were he alive. It should sicken me to be attracted to Sweet. It probably sickened Katya, even if she was silent on the matter. She'd also suffered too much.
I went to my office to sit and think at my desk. Whiskey would be my friend tonight. My Sweet One lingered on my mind though. Her response to seeing the moment she chose me. That only led to me wanting to see it again. That look in her eyes. To hear the sounds of a woman who wanted me despite everything.
It only led to realizing my selfishness probably hurt Sweet more than I had considered it would. She had pointed out my intentions to use her to get to Nikki. I didn't think it would matter in regard to us. I hadn't considered there truly being anuswith my Sweet until recently. And I certainly didn’t think it would lead to the stress that would cause a miscarriage.
"Armon." Nikki stepped into my office wearing her short, black satin robe.
I chunked my phone in a desk drawer.
My wife smiled through lips painted too bold of a shade of red, considering she just lost the baby. But we all seem to grieve in odd ways.
I downed the rest of my glass and gritted my teeth as she approached. Once again, she blocked me in at my desk. It had been a place she never cared to come to for the entirety of our marriage.
I sighed. "Nikki." I already felt drunk. The last thing I needed was to speak my mind with such emotions as I had.
She placed a finger to my mouth as she sat on my lap. "It's been too long." She let the robe slide down. Naked and beautiful. The sort of beautiful a man could be drunk on it. "I love you."
She raised my hand to her breast. "Come to bed with me."
"Nikki, no." I lowered my hand. "I have work to do."
"You were jacking off to porn." She straddled me and came in close to my face. "I don’t mind." She kissed me. Once, twice, then down my jaw in a promise for her mouth to continue downward.
I couldn't get it up for her, no matter what. I could hold her until she fell asleep, and she'd stop crying and needing to be coddled for a while. Maybe I would have time to think over this stupidly selfish craving for the foreign woman I'd gotten carried away with to piss Nikki off.
It was selfish and blind, but was it stupid? Like adolescent attraction fueling the need to fuck? An escape from my life that had gone awry? Or maybe freedom from the life that had always held me back. Freedom from women like Nikki and a lifelong need for vengeance against an evil I’d suffered. I didn't know anymore. But my brother was dead. His child was dead. I could only blame myself for the loss and whatever pain Sweet has felt because of me. Pain I could never erase, just as she'd confronted me about in the hotel.
"We can try again." Nikki's voice had that same tone I'd grown to hate over the years.
No, I didn't want her, not for a second. "No, Nikki." I lifted her off of me.
"It's her, isn't it?" She remained in front of me with a girlish pout to the face that was still puffy from tears.
