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“I know! Always safer in pairs, as they say.” River giggled again and leaned toward me, whispering loudly enough for Elijah to hear. “Plus, this guy is about to blow, so let’s make him think he won.”
We both turned to look at Elijah, who did look like he was ready to explode. If his teeth ground any harder, they’d crack.
“Fine, you can walk with me, but no one else.” I shot a pointed look at Elijah. “And I’m bathing alone.” I had been naked around too many people lately and never wanted to do it again.
River's face smoothed out, all joking aside. “You will have your privacy. I’ll walk you there and keep watch. Come on, let’s find a place with some coverage from the guys.” She started to hand over the bundle before pulling it back and scrunching up her nose. “Maybe you should clean yourself first. You smell terrible. I’m sure something died in your hair from sight and smell alone. I’ll hold these in case you infect them.” She deposited the clothes back into her bag. “I am pretty sure I should have something in here to fix all that.” She waved her hand to encompass all of me.
“Don’t go far,” Elijah said, using his most authoritative voice.
“Yes, sir!” River smacked his chest lightly with the palm of her hand, mockingly affectionate.
I wanted to rip her hand off. I didn’t have a single claim on Elijah, but that slight touch made me feel unhinged. She almost legitimately lost a hand.
River led us towards the water, an amused light in her eyes. I shot Elijah one last glance before turning to follow.
There was pain in his dark eyes that was underlying the anger. It almost made me stop and say something to reassure him, but I didn’t. I didn’t know where to start, and usually, talking to him only made things worse, so I turned and followed River without another glance.
I could feel his eyes on me as we walked downstream and continued feeling them until he couldn’t see us through the trees.
* * *
“This is good,” River said. “We can stop here.” She laid the clothes on the grass a few feet from the stream where they wouldn’t get wet and rummaged around in her bag. “Ok, I can’t wait anymore. What’s the deal with you and Ash? Some real vibes going on there.”
“Yeah, hate vibes,” I agreed.
“Oh no. Super lust vibes. At least coming from you. He’s still blocking me,” River asserted, pulling items from the bag, and laying them on the bank. “You want him, even if you pretend to hate him. And he feels the same way. He’s all growly and sexy when he talks to you. Like he wants to eat you.”
“Yeah, for dinner. That man hates me. Nothing is going on between us. And if my body is going all lusty,” I jerked off my belt and immediately bent to take off my boots, eager to get into the water and avoid this conversation, “it is because the idea of being clean makes me that happy. I do not want that man, and he definitely doesn’t want me.”
I threw my other shoe down with its mate.
“Oh no, it’s lust.” Standing, hands full of jars and soaps, River shot me a grin. “It’s been happening all night.”
“Well, wow. That’s just great. You can feel my lust.” I jerked off my pants, throwing them off to the side. “We’ll all be hate fucking each other by the end of the day. We can have a three-way! Won’t that be fun?”
Hate fucking Elijah didn’t sound too bad. I can’t say I hadn’t thought about it a time or ten, but another woman had never been involved. And the thought was maddening.
“I don’t exactly feel lust when you do. I can't make myself lustful. It’s hard to explain.” When my tunic went over my head, River averted her gaze, walking past me and laying the various soaps and tonics on the riverbank. “It’s like an intuition. I can feel thatyou’refeeling lust. I don’t feel it along with you. Use this to dry off when you’re done.” She hung a scrap of cloth across a branch, standing with her back to the stream, giving me the privacy I’d requested. “If I was forced to actually feel others' emotions, I would get whiplash from the number of emotions I encounter daily. That would get exhausting. Very few shield regularly. Like you, very little know how. There’s not a lot of reason to. Spirit Users are extinct, remember?”
While River talked, I waded into the stream, sucking in a breath when the cold enveloped my feet. Despite the bite, I kept going. I walked until the water was waist high, as deep as it got, drew a breath, and sank to the bottom.
I sat crossed-legged at the bottom with my eyes closed, the chill of the water icy against my skin. My muscles locked, and my chest tightened, making it impossible to think, and that’s just what I needed. I stayed down, slowly letting air out of my lungs for a moment, one bubble at a time. One. Two. Letting the water take away some of the weight of the world for just one minute. One small breath at a time. The world didn’t seem to weigh so much underwater. Suspended, I could pretend that everything was okay.
I surfaced, drawing in deep breaths. The sun warmed my flesh, but the breeze hit my wet skin, constricting my breaths further. I was drawing in deep gasping breaths, but I washed as thoroughly as possible, triple and quadruple washing the areas where I could still feel hands on me, even when there was no more blood or grime. Washing, knowing the feeling wouldn’t ever go away.
“I can only intuit emotions. Actual thoughts are different. I can hear someone's day-to-day thoughts only if I actively reach into their consciousness. That’s something I rarely do. Not only is it invasive, but it’s not entirely safe.”
River's back was to me the whole time, allowing me the privacy I requested as she talked. If she heard the thoughts that plagued me each time my hand scrubbed away a particular jarring memory, she didn’t mention them or why I wanted privacy so severely, she just talked. And I appreciated that more than she could know.
After rinsing thoroughly, I waded out of the stream, grabbed the cloth River had provided, and quickly dried myself the best I could. Wrapping the cloth around my shoulders, I started dressing.
“Thank you for everything,” I said with my back to her, stepping into the leggings River provided. “For the clothes, soaps, and such. And for watching my back. It’s been a long week. And, well,” I said, dropping the cloth and slipping the vest over my head, grateful I wasn’t looking at River. “I haven’t been especially welcoming towards you. You helped me, despite that, so thank you.”
My skin still pebbled, but the heat of the afternoon sun and thick leggings helped take away the worst of the chill as I approached River, tunic in hand.
“You’ve been plenty welcoming towards me.” River turned to me with a devious smile. “It’s only in your head that you haven’t been welcoming,” she teased. “And I get it! Those guys are hot. I wouldn’t want to share them either.”
“I’m not—"
