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“Asha? You must have gotten my surprise—”
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Finn?” I hiss at him over the phone, sinking onto the chair in front of my vanity. “Blocking out the nextthreenights? Is your boss going to be happy about you using your organization’s funds so recklessly? Surely there’s a better use for them.”
“He trusts my judgment.” Finn’s voice loses a little of its teasing. “You needed a break after Matvei, Asha. You might have refused to talk to me, but I could see it in your face. I’d already arranged this, expecting as much—but it made me glad I did it.”
“You just don’t want anyone else touching me.” The words come out before I can stop them, words I hadn’t really meant to say, and they startle me. Whether it’s true or not, it’s a topic that’s better not brought up, and now I’ve instigated the conversation.
“And if that’s the case?” Finn’s voice drops a little, that rich Irish burr thickening. “What would you have to say about that, Asha?”
“That it’s my job.” My voice is too flat, too tired, and I try to inject some teasing into it, something to lighten the conversation so he won’t realize just how difficult last night was, how I still feel emotionally hungover from the session with Matvei and the memories of Jamie and the dreams—
I don’t want him toeverknow that I dreamed about him last night. That my sleep was full of thoughts of him pressing me back against his motorcycle in that parking lot, lifting me onto the seat and pushing my skirt up while he knelt on the concrete, hands smoothing up my thighs while I gripped his hair and told him just what I wanted him to do.
“You’re doing a job for me, too. You need to be able to focus on it, Asha. And Iknowthat took a lot out of you—”
“You don’t need to worry about me. Anyway—” I let out a slow breath, trying to take the tension out of my voice before he has reason to think that hedoesneed to worry about me. “I’m going to be bored out of my mind, sitting up here with nothing to do.”
“Don’t tell me that.” There’s a sudden roughness to his voice, though I can hear that he’s still trying to keep it light. “I’ll end up coming up there to see you, lass. Liven things up a little.”
My breath catches in my throat before I can stop it. Iwanthim to come up and see me, and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t want that—not any of it. I should be putting as much distance between us as possible—what I dreamed about after I fell asleep last night is proof enough of that.
“You’re not saying no, lass.” Finn’s voice deepens. “I’ve only had one drink so far this evening. I’ll be up there in less than a half-hour unless you tell me no—”
No.I try to force the word to my lips. “You’ll just end up frustrated again,” I tell him as lightly as I can manage. “You remember what happened last time.”
“Aye, I do.” There’s the sound of him swallowing hard on the other end of the line, and I can feel the tension radiating through it.Iremember what happened last time, his body caging mine in against the wall, making me want things that I normally don’t, making my heart race and my knees feel weak.Don’t let him come up here!My mind shouts at me, warning me away, but there’s a part of me that wants to see him more than anything.
“You won’t get what you want, Finn.” That’s the truth, and we both know it.
“And what doyouwant, Asha?” There’s that teasing, husky note in his voice again, sending a flush over my skin, and I suck in a breath, hoping that he didn’t hear it.
“Some peace and quiet,” I tell him evenly, and he laughs, low and deep, my heartbeat quickening at the sound of it.
“Well, I bought you that, didn’t I?” That laugh again, making my thighs squeeze together and my pulse leap. “Goodnight, Asha.”
The phone clicks off, and the disappointment I feel makes my chest tighten, frustration of more than one kind warring inside of me as I drop my phone onto the dressing table.
One conversation, and I can feel the dampness between my thighs, the soft fabric of my panties clinging to my skin. A man’svoiceshouldn’t get me this hot and bothered.Finnshouldn’t make me feel that way. But I can’t deny the steady throbbing between my thighs, an ache spreading through me that only has one solution.
Well, only one that I can allow myself.
The night is bought out anyway,I tell myself as I get up, stripping off my street clothes and changing into a black silk slip that clings to my curves. It’s not my usual domme outfit—not even what I would wear for one of my clients who wants me as a submissive—but there’s no reason for me to put on leather or actual lingerie when no one else is going to see me tonight.
The room is empty and quiet when I slip into it, smelling faintly of cleaning supplies. Everything is neat and orderly, ready for the night ahead—except there is no night ahead for me tonight, and there’s something freeing about that. I have hours ahead of me with nothing to fill them, and while the idea I have in mind isn’t going to takehours, it feels urgent enough that I don’t want to wait.
I tell myself that I won’t think about Finn as I open one of the drawers, looking for a toy. I tell myself I’m not looking for one that reminds me of his cock, that I don’t catch sight of a thick, flesh-colored dildo that matches his length and girth almost exactly, and take it out for that reason, feeling the desire deep in my belly clench and twist at the memory of what I’d fantasized about only a few nights ago. I want to replace the feeling of Matvei inside of me last night, but I’m not replacing it with a fantasy ofFinn. That would be a terrible idea.
I don’t go over to the bed. The moment I look at it, I remember Finn tied up, a little confused as to what I was doing with him, and achingly hard anyway. It all makes so much more sense now that I know he had very little idea as to what it is that I typically do here. I go over to the soft-padded leather bench instead, adjusting the angle so that I can lay back against it, reaching for a bottle of something to lube the toy with as I settle my feet onto the cool wood floor on either side of the bench.
There’s something a little hedonistic about this, using the time when I would normally be working for my own pleasure, and that adds to the rising, clenching desire that makes my breath catch as I lay back, setting the toy aside for a moment as I slide the slip over my head and recline on the padded leather entirely naked, letting my fingers graze over my skin.
Until that night with Finn, I’d neverenjoyedmyself in this room. It was a job, something to always stay a little detached from so that I could focus, so I could be what my clients expected of me, whichever way that went. But Finn hadn’t had any expectations—or if he had, they’d all been wrong anyway, I think, with a small, bubbling giggle that catches on my lips and turns into a soft moan as I skate my fingertips over my nipples.
They tighten under my touch, and I tell myself to put Finn out of my head, tostopthinking about him, but it feels impossible. I can all too easily imagine what his rougher fingers would feel like on my sensitive flesh, how his broad palm would cup my breast, lifting, squeezing, the hoarse groan he would let out at seeing me splayed out for him like this.He’d have me tied up,I think, before I can chase the fantasy away, and it doesn’t turn me off like it normally would. It makes my heart race a little faster instead, imagining being bound to the bench, spread out for him, that wicked smile behind his copper-colored beard as he decided where to tease and touch and taste first.
He wouldn’t hurt me. At least, not unless I told him that he could, notreally, and he’d stop if I told him to.Thatrealization bursts through me with a startling flush of desire; the idea of being able to trust someone like that, and the danger of it is muted by the rising arousal flooding me, a fantasy that I can’t seem to stop or hold back. I can’t stop thinking about him, about all the possibilities of giving in to what I know Finn wants from me. I can’t stop myself from imagining it, even though Iknowhow strange it is that I’m picturing this, and not the dominance I usually default to.
It doesn’t matter,I tell myself, losing the battle to the desire rising like a tide coming in.He’ll never know. You’re alone. You can take the edge off and then forget about it. Get it out of your system—
