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“I’m sure he did.” That tone turns slightly patronizing, and that irritates me, too. “Regardless, you nowarein the middle of this. Theo tells me that, according to Finn, you hadn’t gotten anything useful from Matvei during the first session. Did any of that change in the second?”
I glance towards Theo, who is sitting there silently, watching the conversation keenly. He looks towards Finn once, and then back at Nikolai, and I’d have been hard-pressed to say what it is exactly that he’s thinking.
“No,” I tell Nikolai simply. “I didn’t get anything from him. I think it would take more time to earn enough of his trust and for his guard to drop enough for him to share anything. I had planned to go back. But—”
“But the fucker nearly cut her to pieces.” Finn’s voice is a sharp growl that makes me shiver. There’s something angry and possessive in his voice, something that suggests he’ll kill anyone who tries to touch me again in that way. It would piss me off, coming from anyone else, but from Finn—
From Finn, it makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like nothing and no one will ever hurt me again.
“I came back from Dublin to see how this situation was going,” Theo says finally, his rich Irish burr that’s similar to Finn’s filling the room, but with considerable authority. “Once Finn told me what had happened, that is. I think it’s safe to say that this particular means of trying to find information about these doings should come to an end. I don’t want Asha harmed on our account, and it seems clear that further association with Kotov could be fatal to her, if we’re not careful. Not to mention, Finn got rather—violent with Kotov when rescuing Asha. Not that I blame you, lad,” he adds, and I remember something Finn said, while he was taking Matvei down to the floor.
You’re only being left alive because the man I work for needs to know what it is you’ve been up to. But this is the last night you’ll get your hands on Asha.
I have a feeling that Finn hasn’t told Theo he let that slip. And I’m certainly not going to be the one to say it.
“Even so, he might be inclined to let something slip if he thinks she can’t stay away from him. He clearly enjoys the sense of power he likes to think he has over her. In my opinion, it might be easier than ever to make him lose control of his tongue, if Asha plays along.” Nikolai considers, tapping his fingers on the table. “She could suggest that she wants to change sides. Instead of keeping it secret that she was working for us, she could let it slip that we sent her in. That she’s angry at us for putting her in that position, that she wants to help him. Pretend to be working both sides of it. He clearly has a low opinion of what she does—he’d believe that she’d do it, and he’s arrogant enough to think that she might prefer him over us. We’ll come up with a more thorough story—something we did that really made her turn on us, and she can play to his ego.” Nikolai glances at me, smiling. “I’ve never known a woman more skilled at making men believe what she wants them to than Asha. If anyone can do it, it’s her. We could offer double what you were going to be paid before. On a night-by-night basis, and if it becomes too much—”
“No. Absolutely fucking not.” Finn interrupts Nikolai before I can even get a word out. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Finn—” Theo’s voice is a warning, but Finn ignores it entirely.
“No. Fuck this. You didn’t see what he did to her, what she looked like in that room. She’snotgoing back, not for any amount—”
“You said double?”
The moment I speak, all three sets of eyes in the room swivel to look directly at me. I have all of their attention—Nikolai interested, Theo still coolly appraising, and Finn looking as if he’s one moment away from exploding entirely.
“Yes. Double. And you can stop at any time, if Kotov’s behavior becomes too much—”
“Asha, you can’t possibly be thinking of doing this.” Finn’s voice has an almost desperate edge to it. “You can’t—”
“I can,” I say evenly. “And I’m inclined to say yes.”
“It’s only going to get more dangerous,” Theo cautions. “I don’t like this either, lass. Even once you’re done, if we don’t root out every single person with an interest in what Kotov has been up to—”
“I’m leaving Chicago, after this,” I interrupt. “So it won’t matter who might have an interest in avenging Matvei or coming after me for what I know. I’ll be gone.”
I hear Finn’s sharp intake of breath, but I don’t look at him. I’m entirely focused on the two men in front of me.
“You’re leaving?” Nikolai frowns at me. “You’ve been keeping quite a bit from me, Asha. I’m not sure—”
“You’re my employer,” I tell him coolly. I want to sever that tie between us, the memory of what we once were to each other, once and for all. “I would have let you know atleasttwo weeks before I planned to leave.”
Nikolai says nothing, but I see the way his jaw tenses. Only Theo looks entirely nonplussed, and it almost makes me like him more, that he doesn’t have so much of an opinion about what I do.
“I’ll do it.” I see the way Finn flinches out of the corner of my eye, his mouth opening to say something, but I keep speaking before he can. “We can arrange when I should try to talk to Matvei again later this week. And I think different security should be sent with me. I don’t think Finn can handle seeing me with him again.”
I can’t handle Finn seeing me with him again.I can’t stand the look in his eyes, the knowledge that it’s hurting him to know what Matvei and I are doing. I care about Finn, too—us caring about each other can’t go hand in hand with what I’m doing here.
Finn’s shoulders go taut, his jaw tightening as he stands up abruptly, walking to the back of the room. I can feel how angry he is, how upset he is about all of this, but I don’t fully grasp it until the moment the meeting is over, the decision made, and he stalks out of the room without another word, the door slamming hard behind him. I see the look that Nikolai and Theo exchange, and I know what Finn is feeling. He’s blamed himself for this since the moment it happened, and I’ve only underlined that feeling.
But I couldn’t let him come with me again. I couldn’t ask him to stand by again—if he even would.
I shouldn’t follow him. It won’t help or fix anything, but it’s like I can’t stop myself. I nearly knock my chair over as I get up, mumbling excuses to Nikolai and Theo, trying to catch up to Finn as he strides away from me, ignoring the aching in my still-healing body. He’s in the elevator before I can catch up to him, and I curse under my breath, gritting my teeth as I turn towards the stairs. If I wait for the elevator to come back up, he’ll be gone.
Something about the thought of that—the idea that he mightleave, that I could try to text or call him to talk after this and he might just ignore it, that the Finn that I’ve come to rely on without realizing it might just be gone—makes my stomach clench and twist, and I hurry down the stairs so quickly that all of me is hurting by the time I reach the landing. Even as fast as I tried to take them, Finn is still almost at the door by the time I get there.
“Finn!” I shout after him, and he stops, his back still to me. “Finn, please talk to me—”
