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“About what?” He still doesn’t look at me. “What is there to talk about, Asha? You think that I don’t know that I failed? Not just you, but Theo too, my boss? You think that I don’t know that I’ve made a fucking mess of all of it?” His shoulders shake with tension, and I see his fists clench at his sides. “And then you say you don’t want me with you when you go back. Well, I don’t want you going back at all.”
“That’s not your choice to make—” I see him flinch at that, his head bowing forward.
“I saw what he did to you. I’m not going to stand by while you let him do all of that again. Ican’tstand by, and it’s going to kill me just knowing that—” He breaks off, every muscle rigid, and I want to touch him. I want to comfort him, but I can’t. If I do, I know what comes next.
“You don’t understand, Finn—”
“You’re right!” He almost shouts it as he whirls to face me, his expression set in such hard lines that it’s almost frightening to see. “I don’t understand, Asha. But how could I? You’ve never told me a damn thing about you that means anything. You’ve never told me anything about yourself that isn’t part of this fucking persona you’ve made up to hide behind. You’ve never even told me your real fucking name. But then again, you’re so good at making men believe what you want them to, aren’t you?” He throws Nikolai’s words back in my face with a venom that makes hot tears burn at the back of my eyes, hurt lancing through me.
“Finn, I—”
“Don’t bother. I already know. Were you ever going to tell me,Felicity? Or were you going to keep it to yourself like you do with every other man that you let come on you in that fucking club?”
I feel my face flame red, anger and hurt flaring up in equal measure as I stare at him, my mouth dropping open. “You looked me up? Yousnoopedto find my name? I was willing to forgive the possibility that you followed me home that first night, but this—”
“I was working with you on ajob! A fucking dangerous job, and you couldn’t even give me the courtesy of knowing who I was working with well enough to tell me your real fucking name—”
“You didn’t ask!” I’m shouting it now, following him as he turns away from me in disgust, stalking towards the doors. “You never asked—”
“Would you have told me?” Finn snaps, still stalking away from me, barely turning to fling the words back at me. “I don’t think you would have.”
“You’ll never know, will you?” I burst out of the doors after him, my temper flaring, and somewhere deep down, I know we’re both so close to saying things we’ll regret. But with the way he’s talking to me right now, I’m not so certain that I’ll ever get to speak to him again after this.
“I feel pretty fucking sure.” Finn digs his keys out of his pocket. “Go back up and talk to Theo and Nikolai, Asha. Make your plans to get all Kotov’s secrets for them. Take all the money they’re willing to give you. But I’m not going to be a fucking part of it.Nothingis worth seeing you hurt like that ag—”
His words are cut off as he turns the ignition of the bike, a sudden explosive sound that’s not the engine shattering the windows behind me as I’m flung back onto the concrete, yards away from where I was standing. I feel the prickle of glass against my skin, the sting of dozens of small cuts, but as the world swims around me, all I can see is the flaming, twisting metal where Finn’s motorcycle was—and Finn’s body, crumpled on the curb in the opposite direction of where I’m laying.
He’s not moving. And all I can see is that my worst fear is happening in front of me, all over again.
Asha
It takes me a moment to register the shouts as Theo and Nikolai burst out onto the sidewalk. My ears are ringing, and I can’t entirely hear what they’re saying, but dimly, I can hear my own voice pleading for them to go to Finn, to check on Finn.He can’t be dead, he can’t be dead.I don’t know if I’m saying it aloud or only in my mind, but it’s the only thought I can register, even beyond my own physical pain, as I look at Finn’s body.
I want to get up and go to him, and I can’t.We were fighting. Right before, we were fighting.It feels horrible, the idea that the last thing he ever heard from me was anger, that we were shouting at each other in the moments before he—
No, he can’t be dead.
Nikolai is coming towards me, bending over to help me up. I look up at him with glassy, tear-filled eyes as he puts his arm around my waist, crouching down to help get me off of the sidewalk. “How bad is it?” he asks, his voice echoing in my ringing ears, and I shrug helplessly.
“I don’t know.” My voice sounds choked, thick. “My head—hurts.”
“You’ll need to stay awake for a while. Come on, Asha,” Nikolai says gently. “We’re going to get you somewhere safe.”
“This was Matvei. It had to be—”
“I’m certain it was.” Nikolai helps me to my feet, and dimly, I see that Theo is shouting at security members rushing towards him, helping him with Finn. “Now—”
“I’m not leaving Finn.” I stiffen in Nikolai’s grasp, even though it hurts to move. “I’m not going anywhere without him.”
Theo turns towards me as the other men start to lift Finn up, carrying him towards a black van that’s pulling around the corner. “You don’t have to.” He looks at Nikolai, and then back at me. “I’m having you both taken to one of my safehouses. I’ll have one of my other men that I trust take care of Finn—”
“I’ll do it..” The words spring out of my lips immediately, without thought, and I see the curious glance Nikolai gives me.
“That’s not necessary, Asha—” Nikolai starts to say, but I cut him off.
“I’m not leaving him! “This must have been Matvei, and I’m not going to leave him while Matvei wants him dead—I need to make sure he’s safe. He kept me safe—” The words tumble off of my lips before I can stop them, more frantic than I mean for them to be, and Theo looks at me with mingled alarm and a hint of something else that I can’t quite read.
“Like Nikolai said, I’m sure of that as well.” Theo’s mouth is set in a grim line. “Don’t worry, Asha. You can go with him. I still want my own men watching over him as well, but it’s easier to keep you both guarded if you’re at the same safe house, anyway. And if you want to help care for him, I’m not going to stop you. Nikolai and I will handle Kotov. In the meantime, you’ll be paid the money you were promised. But we arenotsending you back to him. That’s finished.” He gives me a look that brooks no argument, but I wasn’t going to. There’s nothing in my head now except getting to Finn.
