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It’s hard not to lose track of time. Nikolai and Theo both check in on us, letting me know that they have eyes on Matvei, that they’re waiting for the right time to make a move. Security brings groceries so I can cook us meals, the doctor comes by to check on Finn and drop off more supplies, and the hours bleed into each other as I sit and wait for Finn to wake up completely.
When he does, my name is the first thing he says.
“Asha?”
I nearly drop the book I’m reading at the sound of my name lightly slurred on his lips, looking up to see his blue eyes half-open and a small smile on the curve of his mouth.
“You’re here,” he murmurs, and this time Idodrop the book. I’m out of the chair and crossing the room in an instant, crawling on the bed next to him. “You—”
“Of course, I’m here.” I want to touch his face, but I’m too afraid I might hurt him, so I reach for his hands instead. “I wouldn’t have left you. Not after what you did for me—”
“Is that the only reason?” Finn’s fingers close around mine with more strength than I would have expected. “God, Asha, when the explosion happened—for that split second, all I could think was that I’d never see you again—”
I don’t have time to respond. His hands let go of mine, coming up to cup my face, and as he pulls me down to him, he kisses me for the first time.
Asha
For a moment, I allow the kiss. I’ve wanted him to kiss me for so long, and now that his lips are on mine, I don’t want it to stop. His mouth is as warm and soft as I thought it would be, and if any part of this hurts him, he doesn’t seem to care. His hands slide into my hair, dragging my mouth harder against his, a groan rumbling deep in his throat as his tongue slides over my lower lip, wanting to slip into my mouth, to tangle with mine.
I want that, too.God, I want it. I want him, every part of me instantly aching to be closer to him, skin on skin, as close as we can possibly be. For the first time in a very long time, I don’t care that he took charge, thathekissed me, that I’m not the one calling the shots at this moment. I don’t care about anything other than the way his mouth feels against mine, the way he moans as my tongue brushes against his, the way I can feel the desire throbbing between us like a living thing.
And then I remember the other name he called out in his sleep, and I break away, severing the connection between us. I have my ghosts, too. But I want to know what his are before we take this any further.
He tries to pull me back in, and I shake my head, tugging away from the kiss.
“Asha—” Finn’s voice is full of frustration. “Please, just—”
“You called out someone else’s name in your sleep.” I press my lips together, looking down at him. “Someone named Caroline. Who—”
A horrified look spreads over Finn’s face, his cheekbones flushing, and he has the good grace to look ashamed as he pushes himself up a little against the pillows, wincing. “Fuck,” he mutters, looking at me. “Caroline was—”
“Was?” I ask softly, and he nods.
“Was,” he emphasizes. “She was someone I once cared for very much. It’s been a long time—seven, maybe eight years. We were together for nearly two, and we had all the things that you’d think would make up a good relationship—not that I think you want to hear about those,” he adds hurriedly. “I thought I was going to marry her. But I figured if we were going to be married, she needed to know the truth about what I did for a living. I’d kept it from her until then, thinking I was doing the right thing—keeping her safe and free from worrying about me. And then I told her the truth, planning to ask her to marry me right after, and—”
Finn takes a slow breath, and I know where the story is going. I let him finish, let him say what he needs to, because I can tell that it hurts him to talk about it.
“She said I lied to her. That she couldn’t trust me, even though I told her she could ask anything she wanted and I’d answer it truthfully. That I wanted to spend my life with her. She walked out, and I never heard from her again.”
“Shit.” I breathe the word, sitting back a little as I look at Finn’s tense expression. “I’m so sorry—”
“No, I’m sorry.” His hand is still wrapped around mine. “I’m sorry you had to hear me calling out for her, when I don’t really want her anymore. I don’t know why that’s where my mind went, but the only woman I would want with me while I was unconscious and hurt is—” He swallows hard, his fingers brushing over my knuckles. “Well—you, Asha.”
“You can call me Felicity.” I blink back tears, looking at him. “You called me that in your sleep. Both names, actually. Asha and Felicity. But I think—I’d rather you call me by my real name. I’m sorry I was angry with you—”
“You had a right to be. I snooped, like you said. I did it because I truly didn’t believe you’d tell me the truth…but you were right in saying I should have asked. Ishouldhave. And I’m sorry I didn’t.”
We sit like that for a long moment. I brush my thumb over his hand, trying to find the words to tell him what I need to, to be as honest with him as he’s been with me.
“I lost someone too,” I finally say softly, and I see his eyes widen a little.
“What happened?” he asks. “If you want to tell me, that is—”
I nod, biting my lower lip. “His name was Jamie,” I say quietly. “I met him in St. Louis. I’m sure if you were looking into me, you know I used to live there. I was dancing at a shitty club, and his buddies brought him there for his twenty-first birthday. He came to see me out back, while I was smoking—”
Finn raises an eyebrow, and I laugh dryly. “I don’t smoke any longer, as I’m sure you’ve figured out. He—” I swallow hard, remembering that night. “I told him he could kiss me, as a birthday present. I wanted to know if he’d do it or not. And when he did—I knew I was in trouble.”
“So you fell in love with him.” It’s not a question, and I’m sure Finn can hear it in my voice. There’s no jealousy, just a quiet sadness in his voice that tells me he knows at least a little of how I’m feeling.
