“Okay, honey. Talk to you then. I expect all the details.”
My stomach tightens as I disconnect the line and lay back in bed. The ceiling fan spins above me one sharp blade at a time, over and over again, taunting me with indecision.
Why is this happening, God? What lesson am I learning here?What am I supposed to do with this?I’ve lived my life knowing that everything happens for a reason. Did I meet Lily for a reason?
Lily. An image of her curved body frames itself in my mind. Her tight jeans, that cute, white top with buttons that looked like cats. Her long blonde hair on her shoulder. Her soft curves that spill and taper. She’s gorgeous. She’s perfection. Her mind, her body, the way she speaks, the way she moves. Every detail about this woman is an aspect of life I’ve been missing.
My cock stiffens beneath the sheets.
Damn it!
I drag in a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing my mind to think of motorcycles or squirrels… but nothing replaces her. Every vision is of Lily. Lily bending forward to pick that pumpkin. Lily nervously talking about her day. Lily and all those curves in that dress last night.
My cock throbs harder.
I rarely masturbate. Deep down, I know it’s a sin and I try to avoid it at all costs, but right now it might be the lesser of two evils. If I release thinking of her, maybe I’ll dodge the bigger bullet, which is claiming her for my own.
Convincing myself that jerking off is the better option, I reach beneath the sheet and touch myself, jerking to the thought of her soft skin against mine.
Forgive me, Lord.
I jerk faster, harder, letting the filthiest thoughts of Lily take me closer to the edge.
I could tell she’d like to be dominated.Would she like it if I landed my hand on her throat and backed her against a wall? Would she like it if I told her to get on her knees? Would she like it if I bent her over, gripped her hips, and pressed into her like she was the only one?
My thighs tense and I pump harder, faster, imagining what she tastes like, what her thighs would feel like pressed against my face, what she’d sound like calling out my name.
What’s wrong with me? What’s happening?
God, give me a sign.Something.Tell me to stop. Tell me to go after her. Direct me toward the path that makes the most sense.
I’m not sure many men pray for guidance when they’re masturbating, but here I am in a labyrinth of mental confusion and pleasure that I can’t find my way out of.
I jerk quicker as the image of her round breasts pressed against my chest comes into mind. Her hard nipples were like spears poking against me.I want her. I need her.
My stomach tightens and my thighs tense. I’m going to come. For the first time in years, I’m about to come to the thought of a woman I can’t stand the thought of being away from.
Fucking hell!
As tension builds, my phone rings on the bedside table and I glance to see her number populate on my screen.
I swear this might be the only thing on Earth right now that could get my hand off my cock. Maybe this is the sign I was looking for.
“Hey.” I sound breathless and I hate myself for all the dirty, impure things I was just thinking.
“Hi, Mr. Chap. It’s me, Austin.”
I clear my throat. “Austin, what’s wrong? You’re on your mom’s phone. Isn’t she at work?”
“No. She isn’t feeling good. She laid down and I’m trying to make her soup, but I don’t know how. Do you know how to make pumpkin soup?”
I sit up from the bed. It’s odd that Lily didn’t go to work. Grace was there to meet us when we got back. I thought she was watching Austin for the afternoon.
“Where is Grace?”
“Oh, she’s here, but she’s busy doing the knot thing with yarn.”
“The knot thing with yarn?”