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He sets the pumpkins into the back of the truck and rounds to help Austin and I in again. “Don’t go out of your way. I’ll help you.”
Okay, this is some kind of cruel joke. What did I do to deserve this? The most perfect man walks into my life,doeseverything right,sayseverything right, and he’s completely off the table? Someone somewhere has a hexing doll and they’re using it to hurt me.
For part of the ride back to the cabin, Austin rattles off stories about superheroes and tells Chap about the sled he wants for Christmas. Chap returns his conversation with stories about his own childhood and how he’d help Austin build a sled of his own.
All the while, I stare out the window watching the colors on the maple trees blow in the wind, wondering how I’m ever going to get this man out of my head.
Chapter Four
Chap
“Do you have a second?” Mrs. Robinson is always happy to take my calls, but today she sounds even more enthralled about a life update.
“Oh, dear. Yes I do! How did last night go?”
“You know Lily, and you didn’t tell me.”
“Oh.” I hear the grin in her voice. “I know her a little. Her son Austin helps me out sometimes. He’s a nice boy. How did the night go?”
I sigh and scrub my hand down over my beard. I’ve never spoken openly about a woman before. Mostly because there’s never been a woman, but I need to get this off my chest, and Mrs. Robinson is the one person I know I can trust with anything. “I like her.”
“You like her? What does that mean?”
“It means that I had a lovely day with her and Austin at the pumpkin patch, and when it was time to say goodbye, I could barely get the words out of my mouth.”
“So, what did you do?”
“I hugged her, and we went our separate ways. I’m going back tomorrow night to carve pumpkins. She had to work this afternoon.”
“That’s wonderful news, dear! Are you going to kiss her?”
“Kiss her? I don’t think I should kiss her.”
“But do you want to?”
I draw in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Honestly? She’s too young for me.”
“You’re making excuses, dear. She’s young, but not too young. She could use a man like you.”
“Well, that’s not an option… is it?”
“Isn’t it, though? You’ve been waiting to be ordained for years. Maybe there’s another path for you. Maybe you need to have a talk with God. Pray on it. That’s what you do, right?”
I bury my head against my palm as I hold the phone in front of me. There’s no good answer here. I know that as well as anyone. The whole point of my journey is to refusealltemptation. If I don’t refuse this, then who am I?
Mrs. Robinson lowers her tone to a gentle whisper as she says, “You’ve paid for your sins, Chap. If you take a few minutes of life to explore something for yourself, I’m sure God will understand.”
“I’ve been searching for purpose and meaning for so long, Mrs. R.”
“If it’s about purpose alone, you know damn well that woman would give you purpose. If you feel anything for her at all, you should explore it. People like that don’t fall out of the sky.”
Making sense of what I feel for Lily is complicated. I’ve never felt a pull like her in my life. She’s a super nova and I’m a black hole, desperate to absorb every piece of her.
“I love you, Mrs. R. I’m going to lay down for a little bit.”
“It’s only seven p.m. You’ll be up all night. Do you want me to send over some leftover chili?”
“Thank you, but I’m good for now. I’ll give you a ring tomorrow night.”
