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“Oh. Um… I’m boring. I’d say dogs. I have a bluetick that’s been with me through everything. He’s eleven this year. That boy still hunts with the best of them. Gives great hugs, too.”
I refrain from saying the next thing that pops into my head, which is‘oh, you like snuggling?’Instead, I shift my focus to Austin in hopes of a distraction.
“I haven’t had a dog in years. I’d love one, though. Austin… could you come in here? There’s someone I want you to meet.”
He hollers with frustration, “Not now. I’m watching my show.”
“He’s okay.” Chap reaches for the hot mug I hand him. “We can catch up after Batman. I remember how dramatic each episode can get. I’ve been meaning to get caught back up.”
I nod, and settle on the stool next to Chap, trying not to suck in the scent of cedar and rugged man on his skin. He isn’t allowed to smell this good, let alone look this good.That should be a sin.A man of God should look like a man of God. Not sure what those characteristics are, but they sure as hell aren’t those of the hottest man you’ve ever seen.
“There’s just so much guilt for everything that happened with Austin. I feel so bad that he doesn’t have a dad, or a father figure at all in his life.”
“Do you mind me asking what happened?”
I shrug and blow out a heavy breath. “Derrick had a girlfriend in California. They were in love you know. Apparently, I was just the girl he got pregnant.”
“Wait… so you were the mistress?”
“I didn’t know I was the mistress. I thought we were in love. I found out about her when Austin was born. I knew Derrick did a lot of business in California, but I never questioned it because I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot. You trusted someone. That’s how love works.”
“Can I ask you something personal now?”
He nods. “Go for it.”
“Is it ever hard?”
“Excuse me?” He laughs loudly. “Is what hard?”
Kill me now!
My fingers find my hair as I twirl it to calm myself. “I am so embarrassed. I didn’t mean anything. I was trying to say… I guess the part where you might not have kids or a family or…”
“I was messing with you. I knew what you meant.” He takes a sip of his coffee before saying, “Sometimes I fantasize about a family and wonder what the whole thing would look like. A wife to come home to, dream with, and a life together. A few kids to love and play with in a little garden with hand painted rocks. Some days, that seems like an ideal life.” He glances down at the mug and back again. “But I have a lot to make up for and the priesthood gives me that opportunity.”
“What do you have to make up for? The gambling? A lot of people do that.”
“When my mom died, I promised her I’d make something of my life. Something more than I had been. You see, there are a lot of people who need help finding their way and what better way to do something meaningful than to help them find it.”
“What about that thing people say… how to the world you’re just one person, but to one person you could be the world. I mean, my family became my purpose when I wasn’t looking. Who’s to say you can’t have a family and help others find themselves?”
“I suppose. But as far as a family of my own, that opportunity never really presented itself before.”
I sip from the coffee he’s brought. It’s from the diner on Main. I’d know that flavor anywhere. “What about your needs? I mean… don’t you have like… desires. How can you shut all that off?”Why am I still talking? Someone say a shutting up prayer for me. Please!
His gaze meets mine. “It’s very hard at times, but that aspect I tucked away in the back of my head. At first, I was leaving room for the right person. Then, it became about staying devout. I’m sure it’s some kind of control issue I have with myself, but over time it evolved more into a penance and a focus on my path to the priesthood.”
I shouldn’t have talked to Grace this morning. Every instinct inside of me wants to steer this man away from the cross and between my legs. Why? Why am I so desperate to touch him, kiss him, show him what it would be like to feel physical euphoria?
“My show is over!” Austin saves the day with his Nerf gun. The dart hits the side of Chap’s shoulder. Usually, I’m ready to throw that thing in the trash. Right now, I’m thankful for every dart in the gun.
The assault doesn’t faze Chap. He stands from the kitchen stool and Austin immediately backs down. He’s not used to seeing men this big, not up close and personal.
“You ready to head to the pumpkin patch?”
Austin narrows his gaze. “I don’t like pumpkins. Who are you?”
