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You need to let this go. That kid shouldn’t have been in your custody.
Me
That’s irrelevant at this point. He was taken, Mike. What the fuck is anyone doing to find him!?
Mike
I’m going to get my ass handed to me for discussing this shit with you.
Me
I don’t care, dammit! Gabe is more important than Tom bitching at you.
Mike
You need to take a step back. You are way too close to this when you shouldn’t be. You are a cop. Or at least I thought you were until I entered your apartment Friday.
I throw my smartphone across the room in frustration. It’s obvious he isn’t going to tell me a damn thing. And the fact that he is questioning my capability to still be a good, by-the-book, police officer stings. I feel like I’m letting everyone around me down.
I slam my head backward, colliding with the wood of the headboard and regretting that move instantly. Pain slashes through my skull, making me wince. The cut above my eye throbs, protesting my fit of haste.
Two warm furry heads land on my stomach simultaneously, pulling my eyes down to see Hulk and Thor looking up at me with their weird dog eyes. Bull Terriers certainly have odd-shaped heads. What I’ve learned about these two is they’re either being lazy, laying on the bed or another piece of furniture, or they are going zero to sixty, spazzing out. Luckily for me, they are currently in a lazy state, which is the majority of the time—until they get excited.
I glance up, seeing Mona entering D’s bedroom. The dogs jump off, leaving me. Cool air hits the warm spots they were both lying against, chilling me.
“Hi, honey. How are you this morning?”
She doesn’t acknowledge the two beasts on the ground jumping up and down and doing crazy circles on the floor. A quick laugh bubbles out as I watch them, shaking my head. Drago’s dogs have a lot of character.
“Restless,” I say honestly.And heartbroken,I think, not willing myself to verbalize the thought.
I force a smile when she continues to stand there, holding a mop and a bucket with cleaning supplies.
“Well, if you need anything at all, you just tell me and I’ll get it. Okay, honey?” Her smile is sincere and not at all sympathetic like everyone else’s.
That’s why I’m up here and not downstairs with Drago and his siblings. They all look at me like I’m going to break at any minute. They don’t know me. I’m a lot stronger than I look. Sure, I haven’t allowed myself to feel the things I know I should, but I really don’t have the time to face them. I don’t know what my department is doing to find Gabriel, if anything at all. I can only allow one person at a time in my heart and right now my focus needs to be on Gabe.
My sweet, sweet Gabe.
What if he’s hungry right now?
What if he’s lying in a dirty diaper?
Or what if he’s cold or crying and there is no one there to comfort him? Nobody knows that he needs chest-to-chest contact to be able to get to sleep. What if—
“Bri, dear. Are you okay?”
I look up to see Mona standing next to the bed looking down with concern in her dark brown eyes.
“I...” What do I tell her? Drago hasn’t mentioned Gabriel being his son. He doesn’t want to discuss it. He’s determined his son isn’t his. And a part of me gets that, but I know for a fact he is Gabriel’s father. And there is no amount of denial that will change that. “I need to speak to D.”
“Oh.” She takes a step away from me, giving me room to slide my leg off the bed. “Honey, I’ll get him for you. You just rest.”
Fuck resting.
My head shakes on its own accord, disagreeing with her. I’m over all of this resting. I don’t want to see this bed, or any other, until I’ve worn myself out. Lying here longer isn’t going to do that, so I stand. I haven’t mentioned last night’s incident in the bathroom to anyone. I’m not quite ready to talk about it. I barely allow myself the briefest thought of the baby I lost.
“I can go find him.”
