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Something stupid that would be good for any kind of alibi I might need to cook up.
Something like visiting Evan.The idea makes me feel sick, and a gross, icky sensation climbs my nerves, whispering that it’s below me to go see him when I want him dead. It’s probably all kinds of taboo, as well. Since I could be the one saving him from any future stabbings.
Too bad I really just don’t want to.
Obviously, Phoenix and Rory won’t skip to the hospital with me. Why would they? But they’re not my only options, and my ribs unclench as I think of Nic and how her scathing, witty humor would absolutely be enough to get me through a visit with Evan.
My phone is in my hand within seconds, and immediately it’s at my ear, every ring making me set my teeth against my impatience.
“Hello?” Nic picks up on the third ring, sounding concerned already. “Bailey? Is everything okay? I thought I’d hear from you last night, but you went dark on me.”
“I’m fine,” I assure her, tryingnotto think about last night in their hotel room. “Really, I was just kind of under the weather.” It’s not that unbelievable. I’m always the first person I know to get hit with a fall cold, and since it hasn’t happened yet this year, I figure I’m due for one soon. “Could I ask you a favor, though?”
“Of course you can. What’s up?”
“I want…” I take a deep breath as my heart pounds, all of my senses telling methis is a bad idea.Not that I have any intention of listening, apparently, because my lips keep moving. “I want to visit Evan. It was terrifying, seeing him almost die in the barn.” Not really that terrifying, given the only fear at the time was ofmedying, not him. Now that’s out of the picture, the whole ordeal just seems like a thrill I can relive in my head whenever I want to. “And I feel like maybe I should visit him for some closure or something.”
Thoughts race through my head. Does she believe me? I could’ve thrown in that my therapist agrees, because that definitely sounds believable. If she doesn’t believe me, or asks me more questions than I’m prepared for, then I’m not sure what I’ll do.
Seconds go by, my thoughts and worries looping on repeat, but it’s nearly half a minute before I realize Nic hasn’t said a word.
Confused, I check my phone, making sure we’re still connected. We are. But she’s still not saying anything. “Nic?” I press, bemused and unsure what’s going on. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”She lets out a breath and from somewhere on her side of the phone, I hear Nolan say something, though he’s not close enough to the phone for me to make out the words. “Don’t get mad. But you know Nolan’s brother is friends with Evan’s brother. He wanted to go, and Nolan volunteered to take him. So I said I’d go.”
My stomach hollows out, but I just stare at my fingers as I tear at one of my nails without really noticing the pain.
“We’ve been at the hospital for a few hours now. Evan’s…well he’s okay. And Ava asked about you.”Worse than making me feel hollow, the mention of Ava slams into my stomach harder than it should, and I worry I won’t be able to catch my breath properly ever again. “Bailey?”
I don’t answer when she says my name. I’m quiet, my only movements still using one hand to rip at my opposite thumbnail. It burns, the skin stinging as blood wells up to drip lazily down my thumb. It disappears on the black blanket below, and I blink away my stupor. Or try to, anyway.
It’s hard to think of anything positive when it feels like Nic has slapped me in the face with her words alone.
“I need to go,” I say finally, the words barely more than a mumble.
“Wait. Do you want to come? I can pick you up—”
“No.” Isneerthe word, unable to keep myself from sounding as upset as I feel. “No, I wouldn’t want to drag you away from Ava and Evan. Do me a favor and don’t say anything to them about me.”
“Bailey, wait. Please don’t be upset—”But Iamupset. I’m hurt, and the anger bubbling in my stomach quickly turns to disappointment and something cold I haven’t felt in six years.
Like I don’t know Nic and Nolan as well as I’d thought.How could you do this to me?I want to howl in her ear.Why would you go visit them? Especially without tellingme?
Don’t you know what they did to Daisy?
But I clamp my teeth in front of the words piling up in my mouth, knowing if I open my lips to say anything, even goodbye, that they’ll come out. Instead I hang up, tossing my phone down onto my blanket with bloody fingers and get to my feet so quickly I nearly overbalance.
“You’re fine,” I tell my reflection as I walk past her on my way to the bathroom. “You’refine, and everything is fine.”
I just need to walk. Or run.
Or not be so alone anymore.
Ihate my costume.
But then again, I hate everything about tonight. Not to mention if I dress up as a cat one more time this year, I’ll scratch my own eyes out with the nails I have left.
My thumb throbs at the thought, and my fingers brush over the bandages that cover my finger to keep me from bumping it but also from worrying it until it starts bleeding again, which is way more likely than the bumping.
