Page 52 of Pucker Factor


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“Hey!”

I spun around and caught sight of IRIS growing smaller in the distance. He was hauling ass, trying to catch up, but at the rate IKE was going, he’d never make it.

“I don’t suppose you’ll slow down so IRIS can catch a ride?”

IKE sighed heavily and let off the gas. “Precious moments wasted all because someone can’t pay attention.”

Scottie Dog leaned forward between the seats. “Did you ever think that maybe he was on the shitter and didn’t hear the conversation? What does IKE mean anyway? Did your parents just not like you?”

“Maybe he was named after Eisenhower,” Red suggested.

“Or maybe IKE is like IRIS,” I said thoughtfully. “I kill everyone.”

“I keep everything,” Kavanaugh said,

Scottie snorted. “That’s just lame. You can’t think of something better?”

“Fine, if you’re so smart, you come up with something,” Kavanaugh grumbled.

“I…kneel easily,” Scottie grinned. “I guess you’re on your knees a lot.”

IKE sighed heavily. “If you must know, it means I know everything.”

We all stared at him for a moment before Red shook his head. “Nah, that’s not it. Maybe it’s something in another language.”

“Do you know any other languages?” I said, turning around to ask.

“Of course, I do, but my Kurdish is a little rusty.”

“Maybe it’s Mexican. He looks Mexican,” Kavanaugh said.

“I’m not Mexican,” IKE started, but didn’t get to finish.

“He’s got that Spanish kind of look to him. Or European,” Scottie said.

“Spanish or European? What the fuck does that even mean?” I asked, twisting around in my seat.

“Well, Spain is in Western Europe.”

“It’s still fucking Europe,” I snapped. “You can’t be Spanish or European. They’re one and the same.”

“Technically, he’s right,” Red cut in. “You can be Spanish and European, but just because you’re European doesn’t mean you’re Spanish.”

IRIS came jogging up, leaning against the vehicle as he took deep breaths. “What…the fuck…was that? You made me run like…” He pointed behind him. “Like a half mile.”

“Ooh, a half mile?” Red said in mock shock. “That must be rough.”

“Hey, I haven’t eaten yet. I’m feeling light-headed. And I just took a massive dump. I basically depleted my resources.”

“Ha! I told you he was taking a dump!” Scottie smacked the back of the seat.

“So, where are we going?” he asked, sweating profusely.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course I am.”

“Because you don’t look okay. You’re sweating a lot.”

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