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‘What does that even—?’
He starts the car. ‘I’ll see you at school, Frankie.’
‘What are you going to do?’
He sighs and rests his head against the headrest. ‘I’m going to talk to him. Straighten things out.’
‘I don’t want you fighting—‘
‘I need to go back, anyway. There’s not enough room in Archer’s car for everyone. And I don’t want him driving when he’s angry.’
‘But you’re okay with him drink driving?’ The words are out before I can stop them.
He gives me a cold look. ‘If Archer wants to put his life in danger, that’s up to him. I’ve tried to speak to him about it, but he doesn’t listen. I even threw his keys in a lake once and he punched me for it. He’ll learn, one day, but by then it’ll be too late.’
‘He’s not just putting himself in danger. He’s endangering the lives of other people!’
Chase puts the car into first. ‘I’ll see you at school, Frankie.’
It’s clear he’s done with this conversation, and yet I look at him and try to grasp for something to say. Anything to make this better.
But I come up empty.
Wordlessly I get out of the car and storm inside.
I’m starving, but I’m too nauseous to eat, so I make myself a cup of tea and flop down onto my stomach on my bed.
How could I have been so stupid? When I thought about my first kiss, I would walk into my room and Chase would surprise me by showing up at my door after I left my notebook at school. I’m still not sure how he would have gotten in the house, but it was a fantasy, so the dots don’t always connect. I would be wearing a summer dress and he’d stare at me like he’d never seen so much of my skin before, and he’d stride towards me in a daze, and he’d touch my face, my arms, my throat, and he’d kiss me.
Sometimes the fantasies went beyond just kissing, but I’m too scared to look too closely at them right now.
Not when I now know what it feels like to kiss Chase.
Ikissed Chase.
IkissedChase.
I kissedChase.
Slowly it sinks in. And despite everything, I can’t help but smile.
I had my first kiss today, and it may not have been under the circumstances I’d hoped, but it was with the person I wanted.
It’s strange what can happen when you take control of a situation.
I took a leap of faith, and here I am. Upset and humiliated, but alive and breathing.
???
I hold onto that mindset as I walk up the steps of Archer’s porch. He lives in Wanstead, near Hollow Ponds. When Archer started speaking to Cassie, we’d freaked out and gone to see what kind of house he lives in.
I remember being pleasantly surprised. It’s a huge beige house, with automatic gates on the front. Its windows are tinted and it has an impressive balcony just below one of those windows.
There’s no music. I know I’m early, but I hope to get Archer alone so I can explain.
I’ll tell him I’m sorry. It was just a game, and I only kissed Chase to get back at him for kissing Cassie. Now I’ve had time to dwell on it, I should’ve just communicated my boundaries instead of trying to hurt him. I’m not entirely sure what Archer and I have, but I know we can’t move forward unless we speak about these things.
How was he supposed to know I was uncomfortable about him kissing Cassie if I failed to tell him?
