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I’m running through the plan in my mind and gearing myself up when Cassie answers the door.
Of course she’s here.
She probably invited herself.
Is she here alone? Is she with Archer?
No. I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable excuse. I need to stop leaping to assumptions.
She takes a bite of her sausage roll and groans. ‘God. Didn’t he uninvite you?’
‘If I knew you’d be here, I wouldn’t have come.’
She narrows her eyes at me. ‘You snogged his best mate right in front of him, Frankie. EvenIwouldn’t do that.’
I sigh and peer behind her into the hall. ‘Is he here? I need to talk to him.’
‘Chase?’
‘Archer.’
‘Oh, of course. But no, he’s not here.’
‘Where is he?’
She shrugs and picks at her sausage roll. ‘Gone to see a man about a dog, I assume.’
I have no idea what she means, but her evasiveness is starting to chip away at my patience.
‘You can always come in and wait for him,’ she says unexpectedly. ‘You can help me setup.’
Helping her setup involves her lounging on the sofa eating Doritos whilst I rummage around the house. She orders me around, telling me to place the alcohol from the wine cooler and pantry on the counters. I pour bowls of crisps and cookies and brownies and arrange sandwiches in spirals. I prepare paper plates and plastic cups. I spread out the glow sticks on the kitchen island. I top up the ice machine and make room in the fridge. I display the board games on the living room table. I find takeout leaflets in a drawer and I magnet them to the fridge, because I’ll probably get hungry when I’m drunk.
Demi has joined Cassie in the living room. I sit in awkward silence as they laugh at TikToks. After about five minutes of being ignored, I pull out my phone.
Me:do you ever feel like you’re watching your life unfold?
Kai:isn’t that how life works?
Me:No, I mean, like, do you ever feel like your life is spiralling out of control? That you reach a certain point of things going wrong where your fate is sealed and there’s nothing you can do to make things right again?
Three dots appear, then disappear.
Kai:sort of. I mean, there are certain things that are beyond redemption, but most things aren’t. When things get ugly, we’re too afraid of the truth of it; we’re too scared to look at it and examine it and try to find ways to make things right. Admitting failure is often too much for some to bear.
I bite my lip.
Me:do you think failure is weakness??
Kai:not at all, I think failure is a necessary part of life, and without it we wouldn’t appreciate the little achievements we make every day. Without failure, we wouldn’t know how to be better, or how to move forward
Kai:how do you think most successful folk get that success?? It’s because they’ve failed, time and time again, and they’ve grown from it. It’s okay to fail, as long as you get up and try again, as long as you don’t let it win
Me:So, technically, if I think of failure as my opponent, I can ultimately beat it?
Kai:absolutely ;)
I sink into the sofa and look at Cassie.
