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‘Cass?’ I say.
She’s watching the straighteners soothe down my hair. ‘Yeah.’
‘I’m really sorry for what I did. With Archer. I knew you liked him, and I should’ve just ignored him, and I’m really, really sorry,’ I tell her, but the words feel horribly wrong.
Because I'm not sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have entertained Archer at all, but I'm not sorry about it.
In the mirror, I see her mouth tighten. ‘Whatever. You can have Archer. We’re even now, besides.’
That’s why she kissed him earlier? I’m not sure where the anger comes from, but it’s there, lurking in every thought, and suddenly, I want to lash out at her.
‘You and Logan, then,’ I say, needing to change the subject. ‘Is that—?’
‘Over? Um, yes, definitely. I mean, I still really like him—‘
‘Translation: I think he’s hot and I still want to bang him,’ Demi cuts in.
Cassie rolls her eyes. ‘Maybe.’ Her smile fades. ‘I’m seventeen. I should be having great, mindblowing sex. I’m probably never gonna be this pretty again. These boobs are the best they’ll ever look. I should be out having fun, clubbing and kissing strangers and wearing whatever the fuck I want without having to consider someone else’s feelings. I’m not ready for a relationship. I don’t think I’ll ever be. When I was with Logan, I’d speak to guys and worry it was cheating, and sometimes I was worried I was flirting when I was just being friendly, and he’d always ask me to let him know when I got home, andugh!’ She shakes her head. ‘It was just too much.’
I feel bad for Logan. It’s clear he really liked her. I want to tell her that’s what relationships are—sacrificing parts of yourself to make the other person happy, because their happiness is the only thing that matters. But I also want to tell her it’s okay if she wasn’t willing to give any piece of herself to him, because if he was the one for her, she already would have.
How much of yourself can you give to another person before there’s nothing of you left? How much do you sacrifice before it makes you unhappy?
I think about Archer. How much have I given to him? How much has he given to me? He said he wants to get to know me—he’s included himself in parts of my life—and yet, he’s shown me nothing of his own. I don’t know anything about him. I know more about Kai, and I’ve never met him.
Maybe that’s why we don’t feel compatible. Maybe that’s why I’m so weary of him, why we’re always fighting, because I don’t know him.
I haven’t eventriedto know him.
Cassie finishes with my hair. I smooth my fingers through it. I love it. The pastel pink accentuates my fair skin really well, but it’s unflattering against my black cardigan and denim jeans. Cassie seems to think so, too, because she rummages through Demi’s walk-in wardrobe and produces a light blue mini dress. It’s sleeveless with a plunge neckline.
I step into the wardrobe to put it on.
Cassie whistles. ‘My God, Frankie Johnson,’ she says. ‘You lookhot.’
‘You look like a fizzy blue bottle,’ Demi says.
‘Dam straight! Archer’s gonna want to eat you.’
Blood rushes to my cheeks.
Demi makes a face. ‘Can we not talk about my brother’s sex life.’
But I latch onto the topic.
‘What does he like?’ I ask.
Cassie freezes in the middle of blending foundation. ‘In bed?’
Demi groans. ‘I’m gonna grab some wine from downstairs.’
As soon as she leaves, Cassie says, ‘You have a vagina, right? That’s all you need to please Archer.’
‘You know I’ve never…’ I trail off, because it’s so fucking embarrassing.
Cassie sighs and sits me down on the bed. ‘I know I’m always saying how you’re missing out, but if you’re not ready, then you’re not ready—‘
‘I am ready,’ I interrupt. ‘I just… I don’t know how to approach it.’
