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I’m glad I’ve stopped eating. ‘What?’
‘I saw you getting in a car with that boy who was here the other day. Whatshisname?’ She rubs her forehead. ‘Andrew?’
My world tilts at an alarming angle. ‘Archer,’ I whisper.
It doesn’t matter what I say, because Chase is already watching me. I feel his gaze burn into me, but I stare at my bowl, watching as the cereal turns soggy.
‘That’s him!’ my mum exclaims. ‘You were gone for a while. I sure hope you two are being careful.’
‘What?! We didn’t do anything—I don’t know what you’re—what are you implying?’ I’m a sputtering, guilty mess and I’ve fucked up. I know it. Because my eyes lock with Chase’s, and from the way his expression darkens, I know he sees my lie. It feels like I’m grasping a thin thread. ‘Why would you say—?’
Susie waves a dismissive hand. ‘When I was your age, I was sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry. I’ve never felt shame or guilt about enjoying my body and having men enjoy it, and neither should you. All I ask is that you’re safe, and that you don’t fob off your entire education for one guy. Because if there’s anything I wish someone had told me back then, it was that even though you think your first boyfriend is forever, it isn’t. There will be others.’ She sips her smoothie and adds, ‘But my mother was too busy prostituting herself to educate me on these things. I had to learn through experience.’
I hate my mum. Ihateher. She’s deliberately come in here to humiliate me. This is something she and I should talk about privately, not in front of Chase. She doesn’t know there’s a time and place for certain discussions. She loves making guests uncomfortable by revealing things about her shitty childhood because she had a shitty mum.
I want to scream at her that no one cares. I tremble with the restraint it takes not to do that, so instead I say, coldly, ‘Is that what you tell yourself when you cheat on dad?’
It’s like something has barrelled into her and knocked the air from her lungs.
She’s white. She doesn’t say anything.
Chase clears his throat. ‘I think I’m going to wait outside for Kevin,’ he says politely. He gets up and looks at me, and a muscle feathers in his jaw, but he says nothing as he leaves the kitchen. A moment later, I hear the front door click shut.
Tears well in my mum’s eyes. ‘How dare you? How dare you say that in front of that young man? Have you no conscience at all, Frankie?’
‘Have you? How can you even look at dad after you’ve shagged someone else? Why don’t you justfucking leave him?’
I don’t register what happens until my cheek stings.
My hand flies to it in shock.
My mum breathes heavily. ‘I do it for you. I stay here for you, because you're still my daughter, and I don’t want you to grow up without a mother—‘
‘Well, I hate having you here!’ Even as I throw the words at her, I know I don’t mean them. I just want to hurt her as much as she’s hurt me, but in doing so, I just destroy myself. ‘All I hear every night is you two screaming at each other. I can’t sleep. I hate coming home from work. You make me hate this house. You treat dad like shit because he can’t do anything. Well, do you know why that is? Because he’s on crutches! I don’t want you here, and neither does he.’
She flinches.
There’s no going back now. I could have avoided this by confronting her that night outside the pub, but instead I’ve let my rage and confusion fester. I never wanted to hurt her. It just sort of happened. And I was pissed off because she brought up Archer in front of Chase.
When she storms from the room, I finally let myself cry.
It’s crazy how quickly your life can change. Just minutes ago, I was joking around with Chase, and now it feels like my life is about to spiral out of control. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but in this moment, it’s soul-crushing.
Because I think of all the different ways I could have approached this situation, but now it’s too late.
The next day, my mum’s gone.
Chapter Thirteen
You Belong to Me
It’s been four days, and I still haven’t told Archer. It’s like the words get stuck in my throat. It feels like I’ve shouldered so many of my own burdens that telling him about this one makes me weak.
And if I’m being honest, I kind of like punishing myself.
This is my fault. Ishouldshoulder this burden alone.
Only, I’m not entirely alone.
