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I dart a glance behind me, already knowing who I’ll find, my heart already plummeting and my entire world shifting from under my feet.
My mum smiles up into the face of the man, and the way they regard each other with doe eyes makes me believe this is not their first date. She never looks at my dad like that, as if there is nothing else that matters more than the man before her.
Suddenly my feet are moving and I’m running, running, running—
I throw myself at the first bin I see and puke in it. I find a bench in Regent’s Park and fold my legs to my chest, hugging them hard.
How can my mum be so sly? So cruel? She’s a fucking bitch, and I hate her. Because she’s about to ruin everything—or she already has.
I always thought marriage was indestructible. That once a couple was married, nothing could ever separate them, and that even when things tried to pull them apart, they would always find a way back to each other. And I thought—I hoped—my parents were no exception to that ideology. Despite all their disagreements, I truly thought they would overcome it. Because that’s what married couples do, right? When you marry someone, you vow never to leave them, no matter how difficult things become.
But I’d been wrong. About all of it.
My parents have been teetering on an ice-thin line for months, and my mum has crossed it. She’s gone beyond where things can right themselves, beyond my dad’s forgiveness.
I’d been so comfortable and confident my parents would find a way I didn’t even realise they’d been pushing further apart. I hated myself for thinking that—that if I just ignored it, one day it would disappear.
But now, this feels like the end of something and the beginning of another.
My fingers tremble as I fetch my phone. I have the sudden impulse to call Kai, but then I realise what a horrid, stupid idea that is, and I message him instead.
He went to bed an hour ago, but I don’t care if he sees it. I just need to get these words out.
Me:I know you’re asleep and I’m rlly sorry if this wakes you but I don’t know who else I can talk to right now. I was walking home from work and I just saw my mum with another man and im so upset and angry. I feel like I have no control over what’s going to happen, I just threw up in a bin. I don’t know what to do……..
I reread the text about five times. Realisation kicks in slowly, and when it settles, I want to be sick again.
Kai and I never discuss personal issues. Apart from that one time during our first conversation, when I admitted my parents argue. I know nothing of his private life, but I get the impression he wants escape just as much as me.
Oh my God. What have I done?
I bury my face in my knees and cry.
Why do I ruin everything? I’ve probably sabotaged my friendship with Kai, and if I had only tried to rectify my parents' marriage, my mum wouldn’t have cheated—
Pingping!
I’m scared to read it.
Kai:I’m here. I’m listening.
Chapter Three
I Won’t be Gentle
The next day at lunch, Cassie is already sitting at our table.
I walk towards her when Archer grabs my tray right out of my hands.
‘Come on, love,’ he says with a wayward gleam in his eyes. ‘Come sit with me.’
I look like an idiot. I just stand there and stare at him. I want to snatch back my tray but I know it’ll only end with food flying everywhere. And I know asking for seconds is prohibited—Cassie and I tried to bribe the dinner lady into giving us more handouts of the fudge cake and custard, but instead we got threatened with a bean-slick spoon.
My eyes meet Cassie’s. She gives me awhat the hell are you doing?look.
I don’t know, I mouth at her.
She rolls her eyes and makes a dismissive gesture. She’s clearly annoyed I’m considering following Archer, but he took my tray!
