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"I'm not trying to justify or rationalize my behavior. It was wrong. I did bad things. I deserved to be punished for it."
"And you've done your time, and you've learned your lesson. Right?"
"Half right." I take a deep breath. "After my second stint behind bars, I vowed to myself that I'd never fall in love. That was what got me in trouble, so I figured if I avoided getting tangled up in messy romantic situations, I could turn my life around."
"What happened?"
"I found a new love. Alcohol. There were some drugs, too, but mainly booze. I managed not to get into any more physical altercations and avoided getting arrested, but I made the biggest mistake of my life." I pause, and take a big breath. Then another one. "I stole fifty thousand dollars from Bishop."
"Oh, geez."
"I was so fucking wasted I don't even know how I did it. I wasn't keeping the best company and I shouted a whole bunch of people tickets to Vegas. Went on a massive bender where I almost died."
"Oh my god. What happened?"
"I was so out of it I started throwing up. But because I was lying on my back, I started choking. I'd have choked on my own vomit if a friend hadn't walked into the room at that moment. They saved my life. The next day, I woke up feeling worse than ever, realized I'd hit rock bottom, and used what was left of the money I stole to check myself into a rehab center in Southern California. Did a thirty-day program. Finished it. Bought a plane ticket to Brookhaven. Begged my brother for forgiveness, and he…"
I choke up, my eyes stinging. "He gave it to me. He forgave me and gave me a second chance. I'm paying him back every penny I took from him and I won't stop until my debt is paid back in full. And I've been sober all this time."
"Oh, Roman." Locky gives my hand a squeeze, keeping his light blue eyes focused on me.
I have no idea what's going through his head. I've laid it all out there, my worst, most shameful shit. Wouldn't blame him if he packed his bags first thing in the morning and I never saw him again. Hell. He might not even wait that long. He might not even want to spend another night under the same roof as me.
"Thank you for telling me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that, and how much I respect you for everything you're doing to turn your life around. It takes courage and strength, and I admire you so much for that. And I want you to know I would never, ever judge you."
I swallow, blink, then bring my eyes to meet his. "Thank you." He can't possibly know how much that means to me.
He takes a breath. "We've all made mistakes. Things we wish more than anything we could go back in time and redo. Or not do."
There's a deep frown running across his forehead that's not normally there.
"You speaking from experience?"
He gives a small nod.
"Feel like talking about it? You don't have to if you don't want to."
"I want to, but Roman, this is my most shameful thing."
I take his hand in mine and lift it to my mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles before echoing his words back to him, "I would never, ever judge you, Locky."
11
LOCKY
"I had a threesome when we were married, and I fucking hated it."
My old man was a firm proponent of the rip the band-aid straight off method. "Just come right out and say it," he used to say when it came to sharing important news or making a big announcement.
Sometimes, that's exactly what's needed.
Right now is one of those times.
I look for any signs on Roman's face that he's having a negative reaction to what I blurted out, but his expression remains the same.
Soft. Tender. Loving.
I go on. "Chase and Fischer recommended this great resort in Florida called Elysian. And the place was stunning. Gorgeous hotel, amazing room, incredibly friendly staff. A tropical paradise. It was also LGBT-friendly, which I thought would be great. We could feel comfortable being affectionate in public and not have anyone give us funny looks or anything. The thing was, Bailey saw it as an open buffet."
