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"I take it you're not talking about breakfast? Wait, sorry.Brekkie."
"No." I smile. "Not talking about brekkie. A lot of the guests there were looking to havefun."
I raise my eyebrows, and Roman nods once to let me know he gets thatfunmeanssex.
"I have no issue with that. Each to their own. I've just always been a one-man guy. Bailey had told me he was, too. We'd always been monogamous. But he took us being at Elysian as a sign to open things up. Apparently, he'd always wanted to have a threesome, which was news to me since he'd never brought it up before. He begged and pleaded and just wouldn't let up, so, as always, I relented. Our whole romantic weekend away soon descended into him being on the hunt for another guy to join us."
I chew my lip, the memory stirring up all sorts of emotions. Mainly anger and regret at myself that I went along with it.
"It didn't feel right to me, but I went with the flow. Like I always do.Did," I correct myself, and Roman nods again.
"This threesome thing consumed the whole weekend. We spent more time talking to potential partners than we did with each other."
Roman frowns. "I don't get it. Why?"
"Ever had a threesome?"
He shakes his head.
"Finding a guy that both Bailey and I liked and that liked us, and making sure that the three of us were all sexually compatible was hard work. Remember the tops and bottoms convo we had?"
He smiles. "Yeah. It was pretty straightforward."
"It was. With us. But when you add another person into the mix, it complicates things."
"Got it."
Anyway, we finally found a guy that fit the bill, so to speak, and we…fucked."
I flip onto my back and turn my head on the pillow to look at Roman. "Up until that point, I'd never had bad sex. Sure, there have been times where it's been a little awkward, or rushed, or meh. But that happens. Everyone who's having sex has mediocre sex at some point in their lives. But I've neverhatedhaving sex. Never had to close my eyes and tell myself it'll be over soon. Until that time. Thankfully, it was over pretty quick. When the guy left and Bailey asked me how it went, I told him. Said it didn't work for me and that I never wanted to do it again. He seemed to take it well. Until I found out he tookthatas an open invitation to start fucking around behind my back."
"What a shitty thing to do."
"Tell me about it." I roll my neck from side to side. "Want to know the real fucked-up part?"
"Tell me."
"It's almost like I've forgiven Bailey more than I've forgiven myself. He cheated. He's a douchebag. That's a simple fact for my brain to process."
I fall silent, prompting Roman to ask, "Why can't you forgive yourself?"
"I guess I feel…ashamed."
"About the sex stuff?"
I give a small nod. "Yeah. And how it gives him leverage to go around calling me a slut and threatening to post that video everywhere."
"Hey." Roman leans over and grabs my chin, tipping it up to meet his strong gaze. "You did nothing to be ashamed of sexually. The only issues are that you didn't speak up and that he recorded you illegally. Him recording you is not on you, and the lesson you can take out of this is that you need to find your voice."
His eyes darken even more. "I'm going to say something, and I need you to really hear me."
"Okay."
"When you're with me, you say exactly what you want and what you're feeling. Okay? No hiding. No going along with anything for the sake of it, or because you want to make me happy, or to avoid conflict. The most important thing to me is you being you. You got it?"
I nod again.
"Say it," he commands.
