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“It’s just my friend, Weston.” I flashed the phone towards the driver and then back to my face as she blinked in shock. “It’s his cows I’m headed to check, ‘cause you know, Doctor of Veterinary Medicine here.” I pointed to my chest, and she clicked her tongue.
“Fine, be all boring like usual.” She leaned back against her couch, and I glared at her. “I do have some news,” she continued and paused, looking a little awkward.
“What?” I asked, in anticipation.
“I don’t want to be insensitive though. You know, with your dad and all. How is he?” she hesitantly said.
“He’s doing,” I muttered, and she sighed.
“No improvements.”
I shook my head as she smiled softly. I didn’t have to say much, and she knew. She’d always known how I felt better than I knew for myself. “It’s not insensitive, you shouldn’t have to pause living your life simply for me because of my dad.”
“You sure?” she quietly asked, and from the corner of my eye, I saw Weston raise a sympathetic smile. As if he understood from personal experience.
“Of course,” I answered.
She flashed her hand in front of the screen, and I saw it. A massive, shiny diamond ring. I squealed in delight for her. “It’s gorgeous! Simon finally asked! Congratulations! Oh, my goodness, I can’t believe it!” I cried out in glee, and she shrieked in happiness.
“Right? This entire trip, he’d apparently planned it simply to propose.” She wiggled her fingers once more and then slid away from the camera.
“Have you told my parents yet?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I didn’t want to be rude.”
“It’s not rude! You know they will want to know! They love you maybe more than they love me since you’re actually getting married,” I replied with a small laugh, and she giggled too.
“Okay, well I’ll call them right after we hang up this facetime. Also, the next piece of news. I want to have an engagement party with all of our old friends and new friends and family obviously! And I need you there, with your parents. I know that your dad can’t travel too far, so I’ve been looking and there’s this ranch in Billings that you can stay at and stuff. Do you think your dad could make it there?” she asked with a hopeful smile.
“You don’t have to sacrifice things simply to accommodate my dad,” I quietly replied, feeling that dread enter my body once more. I think the thing I hated the most about this cancer stuff was the sympathies—the hesitations that people had about enjoying life and sharing the things that made them happiest. Plus giving up dreams for me because of this cancer.
“I’m not. It would be more of a sacrifice to not have your dad and mom there. To not have my best friend since childhood there,” she replied with a pout.
“Alright, alright. Billings would work!” I answered with a smile.
“See you in a month! I’ll send exact details later. Love you, girl!”
“Love you, too,” I quietly said, and her face disappeared from my screen. I stared at it. The reality of how dire my dad’s condition was, was continually hounding me. The gravity of this cancer came and went like a wave, but this was becoming too much. Others outside of my family were now changing plans because he was dying. I was once again reminded that I really was losing my dad.
My daddy was going to be gone. He might not even make it a month, and I hadn’t had the heart to tell her. A tear slid down my cheek, unable to be stopped. This was all too much.
A calloused thumb swiped across my skin, brushing away the stain upon my face. “You know it’s okay to be happy, too. To keep living your life too, Tenley,” Weston softly said.
I shook my head, letting my hands fall to my lap. “I hate it. All the sympathies and hesitations that everyone has when trying to tell me happy news. It’s not okay for me to keep living right now, not while my dad no longer has that capability. But others… others should.”
“Why is it wrong for you but not for others? You’re not the one dying, Tenley. Do you think your dad would want you to waste this little time he has left here with you being sad?” Weston glanced my way, his intense blue eyes radiating empathy. I stared back, unsure how to answer.
“Losing a loved one is strange, Tenley. And how we react and handle it as humans is even more strange. Some people ignore it, others fall so deeply into it that it consumes them. The secret is learning how to acknowledge it while still thriving. Your dad wants to see you thrive, love life. That’s what makes him the proudest,” he continued.
“And how would you know? You still have both of your parents,” I snapped, feeling defensive because I knew he was right.
“Because I lost my grandpa when I was nine, and I was closer to him than my dad until he passed. My Papaw taught me how to hunt, fish, and fix an engine up by the time I was seven. He’d bought me my first car at eight, and we began rebuilding it to look like the General Lee from that old TV show The Dukes of Hazzard. It was our favorite show to watch together and my last name is Duke, so you know.” His eyes misted over as he got lost in memories from his childhood. The pictures upon his mantle flashed through my mind and I hung my head.
“He taught me to rope and ride and passed on his love of ranching in nine short years of me living. I aspire to be like him every day. When he was diagnosed with bone cancer, I thought his life was over which meant mine was, too, and I struggled to understand what was going on. But he kept pushing me to continue doing the things I loved even if he couldn’t join me. I would spend hours retelling my grand adventures while I watched this man wither away. And then, just like that, he was gone.” Weston sighed, pulling the hat from his head and setting it gently on his dash.
“My grandma followed a year later, but she kept telling me that my Papaw had never been happier than during those last few months,” he finished, and silence settled between us. Vulnerability to share such a treasured experience couldn’t have been easy for him, yet he’d willingly expressed it.
I decided to share something with him about my dad. Something happy. “Growing up, my family was oddly close. I didn’t realize how strange it was to not fight with your siblings until I was a teenager and one friend mentioned how weird it was that my older sister and I didn’t argue. That my little brother didn’t try to bite me all the time. My parents created a home of love by showing us how to properly treat each other. And they spent every moment they could giving us everything we desired.”
