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Of course, he thinks they don’t count. Somehow, I’ve forgotten who this man is. I let him lull me into a false sense of security when I should’ve known better.
Goddammit, I’m a dumbass.
The leggings in my hand drop into my suitcase as I sink to my knees. It was a mistake to get involved with Timothy. Despite all the ways I was wrong about him—the casual dating and lack of real relationships—I was right about this. Timothy is a wild creature, and those can’t be tamed. Not by a serious head injury. Not, it turns out, by me.
I wonder what else doesn’t count, and suddenly, I know. “The snowboard? The climbing gear? The motorcycle? You were never going to give those up, were you?”
He doesn’t deny it. “I’m giving up the career I love at a time when I’m at the top. That’s a lot.”
“It’s not enough,” I say, my voice wavering as I stare at him. I’m not enough. Like Celia said. “You gave up stunt driving for Nic because his parents died in a car crash, didn’t you? You loved him enough to make that sacrifice. Why can’t you do this for me?”
He sighs and leans against the door frame. “Because when I gave up stunt driving, I still had everything else. It was a small thing I wasn’t as interested in. I love you, Mina. More than anyone else. But I can’t stop being who I am. You wouldn’t love me if I were someone else.”
He can’t stop being himself, and I can’t be with someone like him. I’m not strong enough. The worry and the fear will gnaw away at me until I snap. Or I’ll hold him back until he resents me. Either way, we’ll never make it.
“You are more than what you do,” I say, sniffling. “If the most exciting, daring thing you ever did was run to the grocery store on Christmas Eve to pick something up for me, I would still love you.”
Timothy steps closer, crouching next to me, to brush the tear away. “Baby, it was a flip off of a chair. I was careful.”
“You were careless with me.” Anger pushes the words out, but they don’t sound angry. They sound sad. The effect they have on Timothy is devastating. His eyes drop, his face going pale. His shoulders shake when he draws a breath and if I stay any longer, I’m going to wrap my arms around him and forgive him. We’ll move on and things will be great until the next time. And the time after. Because Timothy will never change.
I can’t let myself love him anymore. I need to let go before it’s too late.
“I have to go,” I mumble, pushing to my feet and yanking the suitcase with me. “I’ll come back for the rest of my stuff in a couple of days.”
“So that’s it?” He’s already on his feet, blocking my way to the door. “Can’t we talk about this?”
“Why?” I push a tear off my face. “We’ll never find something acceptable to both of us.”
“We could try.”
“I can’t do this. I don’t think you can either.” I push past him. He doesn’t stop me and that hurts too. “You’ve given up a lot like you’ve said. You aren’t willing to give up any more. I get that, and I hate it, but I’m not going to live my life terrified every time my phone rings. Wondering whenever you aren’t with me if you’re going to decide today is the day to climb the…the…” Why can’t I think of a single tall building in all of California? I give up and make an irritated motion with my hand that I hope he understands. “…just to prove you’re better than everyone.”
Timothy follows me out onto the stairs. “Is that who you think I am?”
“Isn’t it?”
When he stares at me with a hurt look on his face, I continue down the steps, my suitcase thumping loudly on each one. He’s still standing on the stairs when I make it to the door.
Our eyes meet. I don’t want it to end like this. I don’t want it to end at all. Unshed tears fill his eyes and his usual confident posture droops like it’s taking all the strength he has to stay on his feet.
I don’t know what to say. Goodbye is too final and even though I need to say it, I can’t. Timothy was my best friend for so long. I hope we can find our way back to that place again one day, but right now I need to take care of my heart.
I open the door and jump. Nic’s standing there, hand reaching for the doorknob. He looks upset. Guess Celia called him too.
“You should’ve stopped him,” I growl because I’m pissed at Timothy and every person who was with him that night who stood by and did nothing.
“I know,” Nic admits, looking at my suitcase and frowning.
“Can you get me out of here?” I can’t handle LA traffic right now and it’s the least he can do for doing nothing. I shove past him and head toward his car.
Chapter thirty
Timothy
WhenNiclooksupat me, I nod. I still have Mina’s phone. I hold it out until he comes into the house so I can drop it into his hands. “Take care of her?”
“Go talk to her,” Nic hisses.
