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My mouth dropped open in shock. “Are you saying you won’t mark my doors anymore if I say no?”
“Do you evenwantme to? You keep telling me that I’ve ruined your life, but mine’s been ruined too. Do you think I want to go to Manteo every couple of days to mark your door? Did you ever once think thatImay need protection?”
The blood drained from my head. Finding out about Ahone, seeing Okeus, listening to Collin say he didn’t want to mark my doors anymore—it suddenly felt like I was drowning. I sank down to the blanket, too numb to know whether to be angry or sad.
“What do you want from me, Ellie?”
I slowly shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“Well, Ineedto know.”
I nodded. He was right. He’d been screwed by this whole mess too. He was an easy scapegoat, but I wasn’t guiltless in this either. I searched his dark almost black eyes, again resisting the urge to touch him. “After what Okeus told me, I need some time to think. I’m sorry, but I do. I just found out my entire existence can be attributed to the gods’ ulterior motives. I need to sort this out in my head.”
He studied my face, and some of his guard fell. “Okay.”
“You’re not going to ask what he said?”
“No.”
My shock was wearing off, replaced by a profound sadness. “I’m going away for the weekend.” I paused and picked at a fold in the blanket, avoiding eye contact. “We’re going to Chapel Hill. David dug up some information he wants to check out.” I still didn’t trust Collin, so the less he knew about our trip, the better.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Part of me wanted to rise up and fight him. Who was he to ask me that? Was he doing it out of jealousy? But I was so tired of fighting with Collin. I lifted my gaze to his face.
“You’ll be a couple hundred miles from the ocean, Ellie. What happens if you need it?”
“I’ve never really needed it before. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“Youhaveneeded it,” he said softly. “What about the times you drive here before even realizing what you’re doing? You’ll be weaker that far away from the ocean, so be careful if you face any demons or spirits.”
I lifted my mouth into a lopsided grin. “I thought you weren’t going to help me anymore.”
A soft smile spread across his face. “I’m waiting for your decision. Until then, I’ll keep with the status quo.”
The thought of banishing Collin from my life was inconceivable, like cutting off an appendage. But I couldn’t resist him if I kept seeing him on a regular basis. So what was the answer?
One thing was certain: my life was a freaking mess.
Chapter5
My clothes had dried by the time I got back to the house, but the dried salt on my skin felt disgusting. As I walked up to the house, I stumbled and then spun around to see what had made me trip. That was the fifth time I’d felt my foot catch on something by that exact spot on the path, but nothing was ever there. I was not only losing my mind but also my coordination.
Grunting in frustration, I let myself in through the side door and checked the kitchen before climbing the stairs and heading for the bathroom. I stood in the shower, letting all that I’d discovered marinate in my head. I couldn’t change the fact that Ahone had been setting me up since before my birth. I couldn’t change the fact that Collin and I had been created to be—what? Partners? Lovers? What was Ahone’s end goal? But it didn’t mean that I had to sit back and accept it.
I stayed under the spray a long time, resting my head against the cool tiles. The shock was wearing off and anger was seeping into the cracks, filling the marrow in my bones with simmering rage. My life was part of some elaborate game. My mother had died for the amusement of a bored god. Was my father’s dementia part of the plan too? To keep me from having the information to stop Collin? Daddy’s death most certainly was. I knew what Okeus wanted from me, but what about Ahone?
My defiance swelled. I was done playing into the gods’ hands. The path they had chosen for me might or might not be inevitable, but it didn’t mean I’d go quietly along like a sheep to the slaughter. I would go kicking and screaming.
But I didn’t want to waste my energy on anger. Collin was right. This was my life, and I needed to figure out how to deal with it. I didn’t have to accept the gods’ plans, but lashing out in a blind rage wouldn’t help either. I’d figure out my own path. I lifted my face into the shower stream, letting the now cooling water roll down my body. I needed to stuff my anger back inside, but that was going to take more than a few minutes in a shower. And one thing I didn’t have was time. I’d been with Collin for longer than planned, and David was going to be home in less than an hour. I still needed to pack.
Reluctantly, I got out of the shower and dried off. Thoughts whirred through my head as I got dressed and packed several days’ changes of clothes. I should never have gone to see Collin. At least not right before my weekend with David. Now I felt guilty and dirty. Sure, Collin had been the one to kiss me, but I’d welcomed his embrace and had been about to pursue more. I could attribute part of my reaction to him as part of our magical bond, but how much was really out of my control?
I should have told David I was planning to see Collin. And I should also have told him about Claire hearing voices. Why had I felt the need to keep both things to myself? I was afraid to answer my own questions.
Collin’s concern about going too far inland was sobering. What if he was right? What would happen to me if I used energy to send away a demon or god while I was so far away from the water?
I was in the bathroom packing my makeup bag when my phone rang. I raced into my room to grab it before the caller hung up, expecting to see David’s name on the screen. My stomach dropped when I saw that it was Tom Helmsworth.
