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Maddy nudges me with her shoulder. “Shouldn’t you be having more fun with this? I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s aterribleidea. But now that you’re living in a penthouse, hooking up with the boss, buying ball gowns on his credit card...shouldn’t you at least be having fun?”
“It is fun. But...”
“But,” Maddy prompts.
I trail my hands over a dress with soft velvet fabric. “I think you need to relax to have fun. And I’m so worried that if I just relax and live in the moment, I’ll...”
Maddy waits.
The department store speakers are playing some catchy song with a girl singing about her champagne problems.
“I’m worried I’ll fall for Cole,” I say in a rush. “Like really, really fall for him. You know how normally I like one side of a guy, but hate that he always shows up late, or plays video games all the time? And I just kind of get used to focusing on the things I like about him, and ignoring the rest?”
“Sure.” Maddy says. “How do you feel about feathers?’
I shake my head at the dress she’s holding up. She puts it back on the rack.
“The thing is,” I say, “every day I spend with Cole, there’s less and less to dislike about him. He’s so great with his kid. He’s so sharp and stubborn at work, it’s like he can beat any problem the world throws at him. He totally believes I can start my own company, but also challenges me to think about each of my plans in new ways. I just...he got me grapefruit, Maddy.”
She cocks an eyebrow. “Is that an innuendo?”
“No, I mean I asked him to pick up some grapefruits and cookie dough at the grocery store. And not only does he do it, but there’s also coffee, half a grapefruit, and toast on the kitchen counter waiting for me every morning.” I smile, remembering. “He tried to brush it off and say it was his private chef, and it didn’t mean anything. But I caught him making it the other morning.”
Maddy looks cautiously optimistic. “So he likes you too?”
“I don’tknow,” I shove a hanger back on the rack with unnecessary force. “He does all these nice things for me, that make me think he cares. But he always tries to hide that he did them. And I don’t know if that’s because he likes me as a friend and doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea...”
“Or because he likes you too much and doesn’t want to feel vulnerable around you.”
I nod.
Maddy sips her latte and examines me. “Ok. Thought experiment. Let’s say he’s into you. All that girl-next-door charm of yours stole his heart. He doesn’t know what to do with himself.”
I roll my eyes. “Be serious.”
“I am. What if when this fake relationship is up, he tells you he’s all in. Cole Ashford wants something real with you. Do you say yes?”
My stomach tenses at the idea. My chest feels weird and fluttery. I’ve been spending so much time trying to figure out Cole’s emotions, I’ve been running from my own.
If Cole was actually into me, if he wanted something real...
“I think it’s a bad bet,” I admit. “We’re too different.”
“Bullshit,” Maddy says. “I’m different from my husband.” She saysmy husbandwith the quiet delight of a new bride.
I imagine calling Cole that and feel an envious ache. I’m all for dreaming big but calling Cole my husband...that feels like too big of a dream. Even for me.
I’m sotiredof putting myself back together again when a guy or a job breaks my heart yet again.
Maddy gestures with her latte. “Ok. Next hypothetical. Would you still want him if he was poor?”
“Yes,” I say instantly. “Obviously.”
Maddy smirks. “The sex is that good?”
“He’s that good,” I say.
“You know what I think?” Maddy says. “I think you know how to date broke guys who are shit at their jobs because they need something from you. Cole doesn’t need something from you. And that terrifies you.”
