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30
HAZEL
Sarah and I sit in the hotel bar, celebrating the fact that I just finished the first draft of Luke’s book.
We raise our champagne glasses.
“To another successful book,” Sarah says. “Please don’t marry any of your future clients.”
“Ha. Ha. Funny.” We clink our glasses, but I set mine down without taking a sip. I’m not going to risk drinking any alcohol while pregnant.
Plus, I’m not sure I feel like celebrating. Finishing Luke’s book was the excuse I needed to avoid facing the rest of my life. Now that it’s done, I’m going to have to face Luke.
As much as I’ve missed him, I’m also afraid of the moment when I see him again. Because I need to tell him the truth—and that means I might lose him.
Sarah takes another sip of her champagne. “Are you going to tell me why you’re celebrating with me in a hotel bar instead of back home in that gorgeous apartment with that hot grump you’re in love with?”
“I’m not in love with him!” I protest.
Sarah raises her eyebrows.
“I’m not,” I repeat. “I mean yes, being around him makes my day better. But that’s because he’s brave, and flawed, and fascinating and funny. It’s not because of how Ifeelabout him. It’s not because of how he looks at me, or the amazing sex, or the way he takes risks for me. He’s just, objectively, the best man I’ve ever met.”
Sarah’s expression softens. “Honey. Do you hear yourself?”
I replay the words in my head. “Oh, hell. I’m in love with him.”
“Hey. It’s ok. It happens to the best of us.” Sarah squeezes my hand. “And I get that the fake marriage thing makes it complicated. But that’s just words on a paper. It’s not like you bought a house together, or you have a kid together, or...”
I put my head in my hands, finally losing my battle with the tears that have been threatening all week.
“Wait, what it did I...Oh. Hazel, is there a reason you’re not drinking your champagne?”
I raise my head and swipe at the tears on my cheeks. “I’m pregnant. And I haven’t told him yet. Because I don’t know what he wants, and I’m scared that once I tell him, it will be over between us.”
She slides the basket of breadsticks toward me. I tear into one gratefully.
If I can’t drink my feelings, at least I can eat them.
“You should definitely tell him, but let’s set that aside for right now,” Sarah says. “You say you don’t know what he wants. But what doyouwant?”
“I want to keep this baby,” I say.
Sarah nods. “Good. What else?”
“I...I want to keep trying to be a novelist. I don’t want to go back to writing autobiographies for other people, just because I have a baby to support. I know it’s impractical.”
“It’s not that impractical.” Sarah finishes her champagne and switches her glass for mine. “You’ve got a billionaire for a baby daddy. I’m pretty sure he can chip in for child support. What else do you want?”
I hesitate.
“Hazel,” she prompts.
“I want Luke,” I say on a rush. “And not because we’re fake married, or because I messed up my birth control. I want him because...well because it’shim.”
If I’m honest myself, I think it’s always been him.
Ever since the day Cooper brought him home from college.
