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I don’t say anything. I hate the thought of strangers reading what Hazel wrote about me. It feels like I’m losing one of the last parts of our relationship that was just us.
My dad keeps talking. “Between the book and your marriage, you’ve shown me the maturity I was looking for.” He pours a second glass of whiskey. “I see no need to wait for the book to hit shelves. I’ll be calling a meeting next week to announce my retirement and formally recommend you for CEO.”
He holds out the second glass to me. “Congratulations, Luke. You’ve earned this.”
I stare at that whiskey.
And then I just start laughing.
Even to my own ears, the sound is wild, hysterical. “Screw the CEO position,” I snarl. “I spent my wholelifeturning myself into the perfect corporate leader. Anything for the company, right?”
My dad frowns. “Luke—”
“She left me, Dad. Hazel left me. Because I don’t know how to be the person she wants.” I think of her face in that restaurant. “All she wanted me to do was tell her how I really felt about her. And Icouldn’t. Of course I fucking love her. But all I could think was,if she knows, she’ll find it lacking, or worse, use it against me.”
My dad is aghast. “At the wedding, you seemed so...”
“It was a fake wedding, dad,” I say. “I lied to you, and bribed Hazel to go along with it. And then when it got real, I froze, and she walked out. But hey, at least I got a fucking CEO job out of it.”
I scrub my hand over my face and look away.
“Luke.” My dad’s voice is full of censure. I wait for him to tell me he’s disappointed, like he always does. That I’m not the son he raised me to be.
But then my dad says, “I’m so sorry.”
My eyes jerk to his.
He sits down at the table, staring at his whiskey. “When I lost your mom...It was too much. I wasn’t strong enough. I had to bury my own emotions and just focus on the tasks at hand. Work. Success. Raising you. If I made myself numb, I could keep moving.”
My dad shakes his head. “I never meant to force my method of coping on you. I taught you how to lead the company, pushed you to be better, because I wanted you to have a good future. But clearly that wasn’t enough. I should have...I should have told you I loved you more.”
My chest tightens painfully. For the first time, my dad looks old to me. Old and lonely.
I think of everything I felt since Hazel walked away from me. For a split second I let myself imagine how I’d feel if something even worse had happened.
In his own way, my dad tried to take care of me after I lost my mom. But I never tried to do the same for him when he lost his wife.
I sink into the chair beside him. “You did your best,” I say gruffly.
“That’s not good enough,” my dad says firmly. “Your mom would have told you she loved you. She would have said it all the time. She would have made it easy for you to trust your own heart.”
My dad’s always been hard on me. But he’s even harder on himself.
I forget that.
On impulse, I lean over and hug my dad. “I’m sorry you lost her. She should have been here with us. You shouldn’t be alone.”
He inhales, roughly. I realize he’s crying.
My dad is crying in my arms.
For a long time, we just hold each other.
It’s my dad who breaks away. “You should go. Now.”
“What?” I ask, stung. I thought he and I were making progress.
“Go talk to Hazel. Tell her you love her. Get her back. Now.”
