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“Where’s Violet? If you guys go out for dinner, we could finish decorating,” Jaylen suggests.
“She said no,” I say bluntly. “No need for decorations. You can go.”
I turn on my heel and stride out of the room. I’m not sure where I’m going. I just know I can’t talk about this right now. I need to get drunk and hit something, and stopthinkingabout her. Not necessarily in that order.
If she loves me, why doesn’t she want to be with me?
I hear hurried steps as Jaylen and Tom follow me through the living room and into my home office.
“Maybe she just needs more time,” Jaylen says, clearly trying to be supportive. “Sometimes people need more time to, you know, fall in love.”
“She said she loves me. She just doesn’t want me.” I grab the whisky from the bar cart in the corner and pour myself a glass. Then I top off that glass for good measure and gulp it down until it burns. “She doesn’t think I can be the kind of husband she wants.”
Tom and Jaylen both wince.
“Dude. That’s rough,” Jaylen says.
Tom pats my shoulder tentatively. “Sorry, buddy. I really thought she wanted...”
“Yeah. I did too.” I settle into my desk chair, which feels strangely appropriate. I finally tried to have a life like everyone told me to, and I end up back in my office miserable and alone.
Well. Not entirely alone.
“You guys should get out of here,” I say. “I’m going to be shitty company tonight.”
Actually, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be shitty company for the next few months. Possibly for the next few years. Maybe forever.
The reality is slowly sinking in that I’m going to spend my life co-parenting with Violet. On the one hand, the guarantee that I’ll have her in my life no matter what feels like water in a desert. On the other hand, I’m going to have to stand by and watch while she gets over me, and falls for some perfect, boring guy who can give her what I can’t. I’m going to have to respect her choices and tell her I’m happy for her because that’s what civilized men do.
My hand tightens on the glass. This hypothetical guy doesn’t even exist yet, and I already want to beat the shit out of him. But not if that would upset Violet.
I groan and drop my head on my desk. “How did I fuck this up?”
The question is rhetorical, but Jaylen jumps in to help. “Maybe if you explained what she said when she turned you down, we could figure out what you can say to convince her.”
I sigh and slump back in my chair, resigned. “It doesn’t matter. She’s convinced I only asked to marry her because she’s pregnant. She said I only know what a relationship is supposed to look like, and I don’t know how to be in one. She thinks marriage to her is just another deal for me to win.”
Tom shakes his head. “That doesn’t make sense. If she loves you, she wouldn’t walk away unless there was a reason. You sure there’s not something you disagreed about that started her on the fear spiral?”
I sigh heavily. “I told her she didn’t need to work, that I’d take care of her. Women like that, right?”
“Normally,” Jaylen says.
But Tom’s already shaking his head. “Gage, as the only one here who’s married, let me give you some advice. Violet’s like you. Shelovesher work. You haven’t seen it because she hasn’t been teaching art since that community center closed. Did you tell her she didn’t need to work, or that sheshouldn’twork?”
I turn that over in my head. “Um. Both.”
Now Jaylen’s wincing too. “Gage, never tell a woman sheshouldn’tdo something. Ever. It will not end well for you.”
“But we’re having a kid! Someone needs to be there for them—”
“Yeah, but why does that person always have to be Violet? Why can’t you share that responsibility?” Tom says pointedly.
I look back and forth between them. The expression on their faces tells me I’m definitely in the wrong on this one.
“You’re saying you agree with her,” I say woodenly. “I should quit my job and abandon my parent’s company.”
I try to imagine it. It feels like trying to imagine living with half as much oxygen. Ilikemy job. I like providing jobs for hundreds of people and carrying on my dad’s legacy. I like working with my mom.
