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I’m chomping at the bit to help guide the Colorado Coyotes toward a winning streak that will make everyone else see how great they are.
But if it’s Violet or my job...
I don’t know. Maybe.
I think of her laughing in my bed, and thatMaybetilts intoYes.
I wouldn’t like it. I wouldn’t be happy. But I could do it for her. I could do it for our kid.
“I’m not saying you need to quit your job,” Tom says exasperatedly, cutting into my fantasies of martyrdom. “I’m saying that you could just workless.Hire as many extra people as you need to, to make sure you’re always home in time to have dinner with your kid and help tuck them into bed. Plus, you know, you could spend your weekends with the people you love, instead of your laptop.”
For a moment my heart lifts. I could do that. I could definitely do that.
But then I remember everything else Violet said. I shake my head. “It wouldn’t be enough. She didn’t just turn me away because of the job thing.”
“What else could you have fucked up?” Jaylen asks. “As long as you told her you told her you loved her...”
I don’t say anything.
Slowly Tom and Jaylen’s faces transform into horrified understanding. It would be kind of funny if they weren’t gaping at the smoldering wreckage of my life.
“You didn’t,” Jaylen says. “Tell me you didn’t propose to a woman withouttelling her you love her.”
“I...I told her I could make her happy. And I wanted to raise a family with her,” I say. Those words had sounded good at the time, but now they seem woefully inadequate. “That’s basically the same thing, right?”
“No,” Jaylen says. “It’s really fucking not.” He turns to look at Tom. “We failed him. This whole time, I thought he was single because he wanted to be. I never imagined he was such an emotional disaster.”
I want to defend myself, but then I think about the last twelve hours.
I’d really thought that just because she was pregnant and I was rich, a woman as fundamentally breath-taking as Violet would settle for a man who didn’t love her.
Oh God.
I drop my head into my hands. “Fuuuuuuuuck. I’m an idiot.”
“Maybe. Maybe not,” Tom says.
I look up through my fingers to see him studying me calmly.
“Do you love her?” he asks.
For a second, my world stops.
And then I think of Violet, and the world starts moving again.
I hadn’t let myself think of it, because some part of me had decided a long time ago that relationships weren’t for me. Having a family wasn’t for me. Grief and heartbreak weren’t for me.
But of course I love her. It’s Violet. She’s beautiful and inconvenient, and she challenges me. She’s creative, passionate, and kinder than I’ll ever be. She stands up for people all the time, but she’s shocked when someone finally stands up for her. Being in her arms feels like...
Well, it feels like home.
I’ve lived in this apartment for years, but it was never more than a building until Violet moved in.
I stare at my friends in wonder. “I love her. I love Violet.”
Tom claps Jaylen on the shoulder. “There you go. He’s not such an emotional disaster after all. Now the question is, how does he get her back?”
Jaylen snorts. “I disagree. Now that the therapy part of the night is over, I think the real question is why does Gage have an unfinished naked portrait of himself propped against the wall?”
