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She drew back, hurt etching itself onto her face. “No, Maddie. I’m serious. I tried to break it off with him when I knew you liked him.”
“Youtried?” I yelled.
She looked away, wrapped her arms around her middle. Even crying she was pretty—cheeks pink, eyes glistening. “He’s . . . powerful.”
“Powerful?” I blew out a disgusted breath.
I knew what she meant though. He had a way of drawing you in, keeping you in his thrall. Youwantedto do the things he wanted you to do. If he wanted you to jump off a ledge into the water below, you wanted to do it too. I didn’t have words for any of it then.
“Maddie.” Her voice was pleading. “Please listen to me.”
There. That was the second I could have made a choice that would have altered the course of all our lives. If only I could have seen then what I realize now. Yeah, she’d fucked up, blown up our friendship, but she knew something that I didn’t. Evan was a monster.
“Steph,” I said. “I always knew you were a slut. I just thought you were my best friend first.”
She stood, legs spread a little, arms akimbo. Her face was pale in the moonlight and streaked with tears. “Maddie.”
“Find another ride home,” I told her and kept walking up the path.
How did the night progress after that? Even now, I only have a vague recollection. In my dreams, I return to that moment again and again, where I leave Steph crying on the dark and winding drive, her calling after me. That’s how our friendship ended.
The house was packed when I finally arrived. I remember that—full of strangers, music blasting, every light blazing. There was a kid passed out on the lawn, a couple making out just inside the garage. Inside, someone handed me a Jell-O shot. Even though I’d never had anything like that, I knew what it was. I swallowed it down, sweet and jiggly, a heat spreading through my body almost immediately. I looked around for Ainsley and Sam, but they were nowhere to be found. Wandering room to room, my heart still thudding, I didn’t see anyone I recognized. No one from school. Who were these people?
In the kitchen, the counter was lined with lime green shots of who knows what? I drank one down, then another, eager for more of that heat, the one that washed up and soothed the edges of my broken heart.
My phone vibrated.
Where are you?It was Evan. I didn’t answer.
I’m in the guest house. Things have gotten out of hand. Let’s just hide here until it blows over.
I decided that I didn’t believe Steph, didn’t want to. She had lied about so many things over the years, why should I believe her now? She just wanted to ruin what I had with Evan. She was not my friend, maybe she never had been. I had never had anything to drink before. The alcohol hit my system hard and the world started to get a little tilted and strange.
I moved unsteadily through the house packed with strangers gone wild in various stages of undress, and down the back porch steps. I headed toward the guest house, which sat dark. The front door was locked, so I went around back where I found the door open. I pushed inside.
“Evan?”
Right away I noticed that the stairs up to the sleep loft were littered with rose petals. Outside the sound of the party was muted. The unfamiliar feeling of alcohol buzzing through my veins had me feeling vague and wobbly. I followed the trail up and found him waiting.
He was on the bed, long legs crossed, dressed all in black, floppy dark hair wild.
“I thought you weren’t coming,” he said, rising.
He was drinking something, I remember that. No, he wasn’t drinking it. He was holding the glass. When he reached me, he handed it to me. I took it and drank it down fast without even asking. Later, when they did a tox screening, they found Rohypnol in my blood, which explains why my memory is cloudy.
“What’s this?” I ask, already draining it.
“Just something to help us relax.”
The world was in hazy focus when Evan kissed me, the softness of his mouth, the feel of his arms. I was a million miles away from myself, my dad, my life. I was just me, just Maddie, pure wanting.
Don’t do this. A voice, strong and loud, echoed inside my head. I pulled away from him.
“I saw Steph tonight.”
He smiled. “Let’s not talk about Steph. Let’s have this just be about us.”
“Have you—been with her?”
