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And had my uncle anticipated that I’d wind up married to the morally gray asshole? I suspectedthatpart of things would still come as a surprise to him.
“If I may finish,” Javer protested weakly, raising his hands.
“Quiet down, everyone,” Merlin beseeched. “Let us finish hearing what this gentleman has to say, if you please.” I caught a twinge of pity in her eyes as she looked at the court wielder.
“Thank you, my lady.” He waited until there was silence. “I have told you who I was. Now hear who I am.”
He looked down at me, and I winced. I had a bad feeling about what was coming. Was it too late to gag Javer? Perhaps I should have done that from the start. Why, oh why hadn’t I waited a few more seconds to destroy the arch? Then I could have shoved Javer right back where he’d come from.
But then Draven might have snuck through, a small voice in my head reminded me.
I clenched my jaw and waited.
“I stand before you, humbled and penitent, renouncing the titles and privileges that were once bestowed upon me. For in my pursuit of power, I lost sight of the sacred responsibility entrusted to me by my prince.”
Beks. He was talking about Beks.
“The most sacred duty of all...” By the Three, the bastard's voice actually broke. Was he an excellent actor, or was I supposed to believe he truly cared?
Javer paused to collect himself.
I said nothing, simply crossed my arms over my chest, feeling murderous. I could feel everyone in the room staring at us.
Javer drew in a deep breath. “In the wake of my failure, I make new vows, here, today, in the presence of you, witnesses. No longer shall I bear the weight of titles and rank. Instead, let me be known simply as ‘Javer the Penitent.’”
I bit my lip hard. Across the table, Lancelet's face caught my attention. She was looking back and forth between Javer and me. She seemed confused.
“My days of wielding magic for glory or prestige are over. Henceforth, I serve one person. Our young...” He hesitated.
I looked up at him, practically screaming with my eyes. Don't you dare say “empress,” I silently prayed. Don't you fucking dare do that to me, Javer.
“Your young Morgan Pendragon,” he corrected. He looked around the table. “With my last breath, I will serve and protect her. All I do shall be for her sake. I am her humble servant. May my actions henceforth speak louder than any words of contrition.”
Javer dropped back down into his seat, his relief palpable. I watched as he wiped the back of his hand over his brow. The man was truly sweating. At least that was authentic if nothing else was.
Another awkward silence filled the room. I could almost feel the questions hanging in the air. What terrible thing had this man done to make him so contrite? What had happened before we’d arrived here? And why in Aercanum had he now made it his life’s mission to tag along afterme?
That last one was my most pressing question.
“Thank you, Javer. We are honored to have you here, amongst us.” Merlin arched a brow at me, as if asking if there was anything I wished to add.
I knew I wasn’t being very gracious, but I just shook my head, feeling like a small child, sullen and petulant.
I blamed Javer for Beks’ death, yes. But I blamed Draven more.
Suddenly, I remembered what I had said to him. What I had let him say. He had all but called himself Beks’ true murderer. And I hadlethim. Then I had left.
When the truth was... What was the truth?
We were all to blame.
Beks should never have been out there.
My heart clenched. Just like Kaye should not be out there right now, anywhere near a battlefield.
What the fuck was Arthur thinking?
He was thinking he would have another heir soon.
