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She half-laughed. “I don’t know that there is a solution. Your kiss takes me to another dimension.”
“Heaven on earth,” he said huskily. She moistened her lips, and his gaze caught and held there. He unfolded his arms and eased closer, wrapping her up again. “Marry me.”
Madeline searched his gaze, her heart racing. Her thoughts scattered.
“Marry me … soon.” His voice became gravelly, and his blue eyes held her captive. That look and voice and his touch were more enticing than anything she’d experienced. Except for his kiss. His kiss was the most enticing experience on the planet.
Her legs threatened to give out, but thankfully he held her tight.
Marry him? It was insane and too fast and she didn’t even want to think about being queen, but … She’d be with Nolan. They would be a team. With him by her side, holding her hand, she could do anything, be anything.
“We can kiss the nights away and love and lift each other and our family and country throughout the days.”
Madeline swallowed and wanted to scream yes. Instead, she burst out, “Do you still love Queen Anne?”
It was the absolute wrong question to ask at this moment, but she had to know where he stood. Where they stood. Was she second best? How could she not be? Anne was the love of his youth, the mother of his children, the queen mother, the perfect and ideal woman.
Nolan blinked at her, and he did the absolute wrong thing in her mind. He released her, stepped back, and looked more tortured than when he’d claimed he was in abject misery, unable to hold her close.
Apparently thinking about his deceased wife was worse than that misery. She didn’t blame him, and she felt selfish and small, but she couldn’t marry him without knowing where things stood with them and with Anne.
“Of course I still love Anne,” he said softly. “I always will.”
Madeline pressed her lips together and nodded, appreciating his honesty even if it gouged her. She prayed she wouldn’t cry and have him know how deeply devastated she was. Her feelings were unfair to him, but she couldn’t bury how she felt.
“But Madeline…” He stepped closer, and his cedar and mint scent wrapped around her. “That doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’m sorry I haven’t said the words. You asked me to take things slow, and that’s the opposite of what I’m doing by beseeching you to marry me. Forgive me, love. I’m so deeply and passionately in love with you I lose my head, forget I’m the level-headed king, and want to rush everything just to be with you.”
Madeline could only stare at him. He loved her, deeply and passionately, but of course he still loved Anne.
“I won’t lie to you and claim that Anne isn’t still in my heart. We were friends for years and slowly fell in love after college. We were together for many years, building a family and running a kingdom together. I can’t forget about her or not love her.”
Madeline understood, but it still was something to wrap her mind around. All she could do was nod.
“But I promise you there is plenty of room in my heart. My love for you feels like it’s bursting from me.” He paused as if searching for something, then said in a rush, “It’s similar to when you have a new baby, you see? You love each of your children with a deep and abiding love. You can’t comprehend or explain that love; it just expands in your heart, and you have more and more love to give.” He eyed her carefully. “You understand what I’m saying?”
Madeline wanted to cry. She had one child. Of course she didn’t understand how a parents’ love could expand and grow with each new child added to their family.
“I want to understand,” she said quickly before he tried to explain further. She’d been on the highest high kissing him and in his arms, and she hadn’t crashed completely, as he did love her. But she had to figure out how to share his heart with the beloved Anne.
“You do?” He eased closer and took her hand, bringing it to his lips and pressing a heated kiss to her palm.
Madeline wanted to sway into his arms and never leave him.
“I need to rest and process and … let’s just talk tomorrow, all right?”
He studied her. “You’ll be here tomorrow.”
“Where am I going to go?” She forced a smile. “Despite my reassurances to parliament that Naomi Rindlesbacher is nowhere in sight and not in contact with you, they’ve asked me to stay with you.”
“First thing parliament’s done right.”
She smiled. “Are you really going to go there?”
Nolan chuckled. “You know I’m teasing.” He blew out a breath. “I need to let you rest.”
She nodded, hoping he couldn’t read how conflicted and sick she was inside.
“Do you need me to slow down?” He held her hand to his chest. She could feel his lean muscles and his strong heartbeat. “On the kissing or the marriage talk?”
