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“Thank you.”
“But I do need some time to wrap my mind around everything.” She paused, then gave him a forced smile that negated her next words. “I do love you, Nolan. I’ve simply been alone and independent for so long. This is all a huge adjustment for me. I’m sorry I can’t rush to marry you like you asked last night.”
“No.” He held up a hand. “That was wrong of me. I rushed too fast. Impulsive and dumb.” He gave a self-deprecating smile. “You wouldn’t believe it, but I usually behave like an accomplished king of a flourishing nation.”
Her smile turned genuine. “I do believe it and honestly … I love that you feel so passionately about me.”
“I do. More than I can even share without scaring you away.”
She laughed at that. Nolan smiled, and the tension lifted slightly.
“Thank you.” She backed toward her bathroom. “I’d better get ready for the day.”
Nolan wondered if pushing her too hard was tied into her being such a part of every aspect of his demanding life over the past month. Maybe that was why she didn’t want to be queen. Just because he’d envisioned her being a part of so much more than Anne ever had didn’t mean that was what Madeline wanted. If he showed her there was another option, would it open her eyes?
“You’ve got to be tired of sitting through endless meetings with Tristan and me. Why don’t you swim, enjoy the spa therapy rooms, read a book in the solarium, whatever you want to do with your day?”
“That sounds lovely, actually. Thank you.”
“Will you still eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with me?” he asked. Lovely. Madeline would usually joke or tease with him. She did need a break. Was she sick of the endless meetings, frustrated that she was rarely alone, or was it tied into being attacked this morning?
“Of course.”
“Thank you.” He backed toward the door. She needed space. He’d hate being away from her, but he’d give her whatever she needed. “I suppose I’ll lift weights this morning. Since you demanded I not hike, and your wish is my command.”
He thought she’d smile, but her lips pulled down in a frown. “Thank you. Until Jensen finds whoever that man’s boss is, I’d feel a lot better if you didn’t hike or leave the castle. Unless Ray and an entire platoon go with you.”
“Okay.” He nodded. “I will be careful. Will you as well?”
“Yes.”
It sounded like a tough concession for her. He wanted her to be independent. Could she do that with guards trailing respectfully behind her? He was very used to that life and those restrictions. This was asking a lot of her—giving up her independence, heaping on the responsibilities of being queen, taking on seven children as well as their spouses and grandchildren, sharing his heart with her and Anne. If only he could explain better that he would always love Anne, but Madeline was front and center and all he could see right now.
The real question was … was being with him worth all she had to sacrifice? Could she separate him as a man from him as king and all his heavy responsibilities?
Nolan would have to somehow prove that he, and everything he brought to the table, was worth the sacrifice.
ChapterTwelve
Madeline shareda subdued breakfast with Nolan, and then she did as he’d suggested. She went to the top level of the castle and swam in the open air pool area for over an hour. Afterward, she took her time enjoying all the different features in the spa—the eucalyptus-scented steam room, the cold plunge that brought her temperature back down after sweating in the steam, and then the fabulous heated jet pool with the various massaging spouts that targeted the major muscle groups. She laid on the surprisingly comfortable heated tile beds until she dried off and then she used one of the massage chairs. She’d had many live person massages that weren’t that relaxing and thorough.
It was an ideal morning, but she missed Nolan. What meetings was she missing? Was there any insight she could’ve given that would help Nolan, Tristan, the prime minister, and Augustine?
She shook her head. She’d been attacked this morning, and she and Nolan were at a hard crossroads. It was all right to take a break and not think and worry for a minute.
If only she could truly do that.
Madeline returned to her suite, showered, and got ready for the day. Then she met Nolan, Tristan, Jennifer, Ray, and Macey for lunch. It was a relief to have the family with them, and everyone kept the conversation light and fun. She refrained from asking about the meetings she’d missed. It was silly that she felt like the king and crown prince couldn’t subsist without her input. They’d been doing a fabulous job for years, and Augustine was one of the most flourishing countries in the world. They didn’t need her, but she needed them.
At lunch, the talk was centered on the baby names Tristan kept trying out on Jennifer, obviously hoping for a reaction.
His top pics—Jaquavian and Frodo. His reasoning—their son would be an athlete or the hero of Middle-earth.
They all laughed at Tristan’s silliness and Jennifer’s jabs back at him. “Oh my, Big Bad Wolf,” she teased him. “What horrific logic you have.”
“All the better to make you smile with, my dear.” He took her hand and kissed it.
Madeline laughed along with the rest of them, but she caught Nolan’s concerned blue gaze on her and the laughter stuck in her throat. He was worried about her, and about them. She couldn’t blame him. She was worried about him, and about them.
