Page 131 of Hero Worship


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Thank God, he said, but I don’t get the sense that he thought it was random, or lucky, that he died instead of me.

He couldn’t have chosen that.

Could he?

I have a faint, vague memory of the rest of that flight. Getting to the hangar. Gearing up. Ollie’s hand around a harness that he gave to me. Buckling it while he buckled his.

Did he know, even then?

He’s not here to ask, but he made a point of getting to me. He wanted me to know that he’s fine. That he’s apparently fucking his way through heaven. Or…the underworld. Or an eternal dream. That’s how he’s spending his time.

And my mom is living in the cottage she always wanted, and now—if everything that happened is real and not some hallucination I had—she has apet.

They’re okay.

I’mokay.

Daisy’s okay. Demeter seems convinced of that, and if the poisoner doesn’t want to give her a new prescription, then I’m the last person on earth who’s going to argue with her. As though I could. She reminds me of Daisy in a lot of ways, which makes sense, given that Demeter’s her grandmother.

What an incredible fucking play. Everybody thinks the women of this family are pretty and delicate and breakable, and they do nothing to dispel the illusion.

I guess Persephone scared the shit out of Kenneth this morning. Her laugh scared the shit out of me. If I had to guess, I’d have said that laugh came from Hades.

Good thing I never had to guess.

Quiet voices move down the hallway. “—to eat, Hades. It’s been a long night.”

“I’m not—” A hitch, like he’s still crying. “Hungry.”

“You will be when the food is ready.”

“Then I shouldn’t have to go down until the food is ready.”

“You don’t have to go down, but I think it would be good for you.”

“Good for me to cry in front of other people? You’re not serious.”

“I’ll tell them all not to look at you.”

Hades snorts. “You want me to sit next to you.”

“I always want you to sit next to me.”

Their voices fade, and I’m…

Happy for him. Eleanor was their nanny growing up, but I’ve never heard any of them call her anything butEleanor.Out of everything, hearing Hades call someonemomhas probably been the biggest shock of the day.

I wait to be angry, to be jealous, but I’m not.

I lie there with Daisy, picturing the grass and the flowers and the sky, drifting.

I couldn’t fall asleep for real if I tried. I want to feel her chest move. I want to keep my hand over her shoulder blades and keep track.

It’s not standing guard. Not anymore. I have a deep certainty about that.

Maybe I shouldn’t. Other things could always come up. No life is as peaceful as that field.

But today, nothing’s coming for her.

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