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I wonder how hard it is tostayhidden.
I wonder if Jameson would ever want that.
I don’t think so, actually. For as much as he thinks his siblings don’t want him, he’s never managed to leave.
He tried when he got arrested, but I ruined that for him, and I know he was relieved.
Or maybe heisdriving us off into the dark, never to be seen again.
“Where are we going?” I ask. “Or is it a secret?”
Jameson shifts in his seat with a sigh. “I have to get something from my cabin.”
17
JAMESON
The cabin is untouched.
I’m more relieved about that than I want to let on. It wouldn’t surprise me if Lily’s grandfather knew where it was and hinted to one of his lackeys that he wanted it burned to the ground.
I direct my thoughts away from burning buildings and piles of ashes and wedding rings, and Lily and I go inside.
There’s a duffel bag in my bedroom closet. She hovers in the doorway while I throw things into it, then stop in the bathroom for one more item I don’t want to leave here unprotected.
“Clothes?” she asks, as I guide her back to the kitchen with my palm on the small of her back. “Are they your favorite?”
“There’s no way Mason’s going to let me disappear again now that his Protective Dad Mode has been activated, so I figure it’ll be better to have this stuff at his place.”
Lily doesn’t comment on me calling the penthouse Mason’s. She looks calm and beautiful, with her hair neatly tucked into the twist Elise put it in for the photos.
“But I don’t care that much about the clothes,” I admit, stopping by the sink. My stomach twists, pain spreading across my chest like another heart attack. This time, I don’t try to stop the horror show. I let the images happen. The ring in the ash. The hospital hallway. Gabriel’s face in the dark. I hold my breath until they’re done, and it must happen fast, because I haven’t suffocated when it stops. “I came for this.”
The teacup is almost weightless in my hand. It’s cool to the touch, the curves the same as they always were, and the polished surface still smooth and perfect, like it’s supposed to be.
Lily puts her arm around my waist. “I’d really like to know about this teacup,” she says solemnly. “I’ve wondered about it since we came here that first night.”
“It stands out, since nothing like this belongs here.”
“It belongs here if you want it here.”
“The things I want—” Have nothing to do with what I deserve, or what belongs, or anything else. You can dress me in a fancy suit or polish me up for a photo session, but I’ll still be a fucking crime scene on the inside. “This was my mom’s. It was part of her china set.”
Lily leans closer to me, looking at the cup like it’s as precious as her ring. More precious.
It is, I guess. I didn’t want to think of it as priceless, or important, because if it ever got lost or broken, I’d have to contend with the fact that I’d lost something that meant something to me, and I can’t do that again.
Or maybe I’ve never stopped losing all of them. My parents. Mason, the way he was. Gabriel, the way he was. Remy, the way she could have been, if she’d grown up with the life she was supposed to have instead of with her most fucked-up brother providing overnight childcare.
I don’t want to tell Lily any of this. I don’t want to go back to our house again, with Mason out of his mind and Gabriel rushing around, his face pale and tears in his eyes that he wouldn’t let fall.
“I told you we had to leave my parents’ house.” I don’t want to tell her, and I’m going to tell her eventually. We’re stuck with each other.
“You said the contents had mostly been seized to pay off the debts, I think.”
“Yeah. So we had a couple hours to get our personal items. I don’t think Mason took anything that would’ve counted as his. Mostly photo albums, stuff like that. Gabriel took…a pair of Dad’s cuff links, I think. He was too busy packing Mason’s clothes, and Remy’s.”
Lily’s hand moves up and down over my back. She waits next to me, breathing, somehow radiating patience even though she got up out of bed to come with me for this and probably thinks I’m a fool for leaving Mason’s at all.
