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“I wasn’t any help, because I was in the kitchen, breaking every piece of china I could find.”
“Mmm,” Lily says. It’s not a word, just a sound, and it’s filled with compassion. For me. The human crime scene who kidnapped her and got himself arrested and then got arrestedagain. I don’t know how she does it.
“I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else touching it. I hated smashing it. God, I fucking hated it. It felt like shit. But I didn’t have any other options. If I didn’t turn it into garbage, they’d take it, and some motherfucker who had no idea how she liked—”
Another barrage of images rush through my head. They have nothing to do with fire and ash, but they hurt just as much. My mom getting out this fancy, expensive china for pizza and Eggo waffles and fries from the drive-through that she bought on the way back from Mason’s track meets. My parents sitting at the table eating leftovers on valuable antiques. Opening the dishwasher to get a plate and pulling out one of the set like it was Corelle.
“She used it all the time.” I can’t tell how long it took to finish that thought, but Lily doesn’t seem to care. “She used it for everything. She’d drink coffee out of this in the morning, or tea or whatever, just because she liked it. This washers. This wasours.”
The teacup trembles lightly in my palm, but I don’t squeeze it. If I do, I’ll crack it into pieces, and then it’ll be garbage like its brethren in the set and like my entire fucking life.
“This was the only piece I kept. I wrapped it in some of my clothes at the last minute because we were getting kicked out of our house. It probably shouldn’t have survived all the moves we made after that, but it did, and when I got this place, I brought it out here. Sometimes I think—”
Lily waits again, her hand still going up and down, up and down, up and down. I want to look her in the eye and demand to know why she’d do this to herself. I want her to tell me why she hasn’t skipped town, skipped the state, skipped toanywherethat doesn’t have me in it. I’m the common denominator. Terrible shit happens wherever I go. Anyone who wants a fighting chance should stay away from me.
Except Lily neverdoesstay away, so that would just be an invitation for her to be a sage angel who somehow knows more about me than I do.
Which…
Doesn’t sound like the worst thing, but doesn’t necessarily sound fun.
Obviously, I snuck out of Mason’s to have a good time.
“Sometimes I think I should’ve left it and just done what Mason did for her jewelry. He made it his life’s mission to get all of it back.”
“Did he?”
“Yeah. Everything.”
Lily takes a little breath. “Is my ring—”
“Yep.”
“Wow.”
The light falls on the teacup. It’s just the light over the sink, not the morning light that my mom loved, but it’s enough to make it shine.
“I think you were right,” Lily says. “I think it’s okay that you didn’t do the same thing as your brother.”
“Now I can never get it back again. It’s gone forever.”
“It’s not anybody else’s, though. Nobody can stop you from buying it back, or pretend it wasn’t yours, or anything else. And nobody’s spent all that time touching it when they had no idea what it meant.”
“That’s what I thought, too. Some rich asshole’s grubby hands all over my mom’s china? No fucking way. I’m the only rich asshole who can put his grubby hands on it now.”
“Your hands are actually very clean,” Lily points out in a gentle tone.
“They are,” I agree. “I’m sure I can figure out a way to dirty them up.”
We head back toward the city, the teacup wrapped in one of my T-shirts and tucked into the duffel bag. It reminds me of the way I carried it out of the house the first time, except I’m not being kicked out of anywhere, and everybody who’s in the car with me is okay.
“Listen,” I say.
“No.” Lily watches the road with a thoughtful expression. “No crimes.”
“I just want to check something.”
“That’s what you said last time, and you ended up in the hospital.”
