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There was a time when not touching him felt like dying. Back when sleeping with each other seemed innocent to watching eyes, and when bolting our door became a requirement when we were old enough to be judged for it. When as teens we walked each other to the bathroom hand in hand in the middle of the night, because we couldn’t be apart for not even a minute. If that meant I’d have to hold his cock and aim, well then… We’d done what we had to do to remain connected.Always.
I couldn’t say if I nodded with my head, my mind, or my eyes, but the lump at his throat bobbed, and he stuffed the stray hair under my beanie hat, his fingers tracing my cheek on their way down.Fuck.
“Hey, you two,” Sofia said, gliding to a stop in front of us, the boys continuing on without her. “Are you just going to stand there all night?”
Night.When had the sun fully set? How long had Cole and I actually been standing there silently making the decision to touch and be touched? “Maybe I should check on Camille,” I said, to which Sofia pointed behind me to where Camille could be seen through the glass of the rink café not even ten feet behind me.
“She’s got hot cocoa and her phone. Kids, they can be on those things forhours,”she said in a you-know-what-I-mean tone. “In Picatuna, a teen actually killed her nana for interrupting her Candy Crush game. I don’t think you wanna die tonight, do you, Jasper?” She was amused and I knew it. And not just because there was no such place as Picatuna, but because her other passion—besides fighting for the voiceless—was to drive me insane.
“I don’t want you to die, Jas. How would we explain that to Daniel?” Cole said. If looks could kill, Cole would’ve burst into flames under my glare right then. Sofia snorted before pushing off, yelling for us to get on the ice.
“Don’t encourage her,” I said, taking his hand and weaving us through the crowd toward the skate rental booth. He was less familiar with Brooklyn than he was with the city. Prospect Park was big, and I didn’t want him to get lost—so I told my brain when it shouted for me to let go of him.
Sure, he ran a successful company projected to double in size over the next five years. Yeah, maybe he did get himself to Brooklyn in the first place. Maybe it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out how to stay within the skating area, but I didn’t feel like having to search for him when it was time to go. And I didn’t need better excuses when it was only the inside of my head hearing them.
“You don’t have it in you to remain upset, do you?” Cole asked, changing the grip of our hands so our fingers were entwined. It felt more personal. Intimate. Less like guiding a child and more like lovers strolling through the park. I withdrew from it, but not instantly. Not until we’d needed to pay for and accept our skates.
“I wasn’t upset with you,” I said, handing the cashier our shoes, and then showing Cole to the benches off to the side. Keeping him at a distance, shutting myself off to him, was the kind of hard work my heart wasn’t built for. Not when only a thin strip of cold air separated us.
We laced into our skates, and with a deep breath, I relaxed my shoulders. I wanted to smile. I couldn’t wait to laugh at his attempts to make it around the rink. I wanted to feel the joy I had faked before he’d arrived tonight. He made me want these things without even trying. “Fair warning, if you fall, I’m laughing. Like laughing my ass off laughing.” I pushed up and held out a hand.
“That’ll be worth every hard blow I take to the ass,” he said, accepting my hand and staggering to his feet. The innuendo went over his head. He’d been so caught up in the idea of seeing me laugh, of seeing me happy, that he hadn’t even realized he missed his greatest punchline yet. I guffawed right then to his wide-eyed amazement. “What?” he said. “I haven’t fallen yet.”
“Just don’t break your ankle before we get on the ice, okay?”
I’d gotten an hour of laughter in before Sofia called it a night. The boys, and Camille—who’d skated five minutes before deciding she was better suited for indoors—had school the next day. We’d never gone ice skating as kids, and I’d only learned from all the times I’d gone with Sofia, but I was still sure Cole had botched his first go at it so completely for my benefit alone. It was in the way he’d lie there on the cold surface gazing up at me in wonder as I folded over him, hands on knees, cackling hysterically. The way he’d make sure to let go of my hand seconds before his premeditated fall, so I wouldn’t go down with him. It worked like a charm every time. I laughed so hard I knew my stomach would be sore come morning.
“Give me a minute to send my driver home,” Cole said as we waited off to the side for Sofia and her boys to return their skates.
“Why would you do that? I asked.
“Well, we all can’t fit. I wouldn’t feel right if we rode off in luxury while they had to hike it to the train alone in this weather.” He tightened his scarf around his neck. Why did he have to make it so hard to push him away? I was struck once again by how different he and Daniel were, even though they’d both been born with silver spoons in their mouths. Nexcom may have been a seedling of a company, maybe even just an idea, when Cole was born, but he came from old money. Then I remembered something Cole had told Daniel at dinner that night.
“Without him I might have ended up like you, but because of him, I know what makes a great man.”
He’d given me too much credit. Cole was good, with or without me.
“No, you go ahead. Sofia drove, and I’m staying the night at her place anyway.” I wasn’t, but leaving with him after enjoying the time I’d spent with him, and without the excuse of needing to go home to Daniel… There’d be no telling where I’d end up tonight. In whose arms, in whose bed. Happiness still zapped through my veins, cracking the walls I’d built, rebounding off them and zipping through every dark chamber of me again, letting light in. It wouldn’t take much for him to convince me the night didn’t have to end.
He masked his disappointment well. “Okay.”
Sofia tapped on the glass window of the café. Camille raised her head from her phone sharply, a look of murder in her green eyes. Maybe therewasa place called Picatuna.
Her annoyance cleared at the sight of us standing there, and she squealed, jumping from her seat when she spotted Cole. Practically cartwheeling through the doors, she threw her arms around him.
“Mr. Kincaid! I didn’t know you’d be coming.”
“Sofia wanted to surprise you,” Cole said, returning her embrace.
So Sofia hadn’t invited him for me? Of course she hadn’t, I thought, reprimanding myself. She was married, and believed in the promises made before God. She’d never actively take part in the tarnishing of a marriage, not even one she didn’t approve of.Another person I didn’t deserve in my life.
But why would Camille be interested in seeing Cole? I’d spied them conversing while we’d completed the first phase of setup for the upcoming fundraiser. He must have made an impression.
“Look,” Camille said, unzipping her coat. Cole stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.
“It’s freezing out here, and Mrs. Rivera’s in a rush to get you guys home. Something about school tomorrow,” he said from the corner of his mouth, and they both rolled their eyes, spurring a giggle from her. “I just wanted to pop in and say hi. You can show me next time.”
“Alright,” she said, conceding to his point before going over to where the boys waited with their faces inches from their phone screens.
