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Cole bid Sofia and me a goodnight before I could ask him what that was all about. Beyond the bare branches and thin bark of a baby elm tree, a black SUV waited for him.
“What was that about?” I asked, moving out of the way of a passing family.
“Oh, Cole sent one of the prosthetists consulting with Nexcom’s robotics department to meet with the amputees of Innocent Bystanders. Got them all fitted for upgraded, state-of-the-art prostheses. Camille’s prosthetic arm came in first. He delivered it to her himself but couldn’t stick around while the doctor got her fitted. Said he had a last-minute meeting pop up.”
My mouth parted, and I looked between the taillights of the retreating vehicle and Camille, who I only now noticed worked her left arm with equal confidence as her right. He’d done this in a matter of days?
“She begged me to invite him so she could thank him. I didn’t think he’d come, honestly. I’m sure he had better things to do than trek to Brooklyn in the cold on a weekday. But he agreed.” She finally looked up from digging to the bottom of the suitcase she called a purse for her car keys. She observed my stumped expression. “Didn’t he tell you?”
“No,” I said, smiling so hard I’d have sore cheeks to match my sore abdominals. “That isn’t his style.”
Sweat beaded my hairline as I strolled swiftly down the hall of the Grossman School of Medicine, hoping I’d gotten there before the keynote speaker—a renowned cardiologist—stepped onto the auditorium stage. Cole had offhandedly mentioned during our dinner of Chinese and gin the other night that he sometimes attended these types of conferences when time allowed. I’d spotted his solitary ticket on the foyer table as I’d slithered out like a thief in the night the following morning.
“I don’t know why I subject myself to being in a room full of people who make me feel inadequate,”he’d said.“Most, if not all of the medical jargon they sling around goes right over my head, and I never have anything brilliant to ask during the Q & A segments. I sit there and let everyone else around me contribute. But it keeps me on track, keeps my goal front and center. Keeps her at the forefront of my mind.”
It wasn’t until last night at the ice-skating rink when I’d learned from Sofia what Cole had done for Camille and everyone else that I’d decided to attend. To be there for him. I thanked my lucky stars tickets were still available last minute.
A rotund, middle-aged man wearing a toupee approached the microphone as I slid inside, careful not to let the door bang shut behind me. I peered down the rows of stadium seating until I spotted a head at least six inches above the rest in his section, whose trimmed, dark mane gleamed with vitality. Even his hair was a turn-on.
I removed my hat and sliced impatient fingers through my own hair, noting it could do with a cut, but knowing I’d let it grow to my ankles because Cole liked it long.
What are you doing, Jasper?
I descended the LED-lit steps, giving my mind something else to focus on, distracting it from having to answer the grave question I’d just posed.
I folded myself into the seat next to him, trembling with amusement when he did a double take on me.
“Jas?” he asked two octaves above a whisper. That earned him a backward glare from the people seated in front of us, and a chorus of shushes from behind. I kept my eyes straight ahead, but allowed my legs to fall open, my knee coming to rest along his.
When we were boys, we’d link our pinkies under the dinner table. I’d had to learn how to eat left-handed. When we were near it had been impossible not to touch, not to hold, not to love.
The keynote was already a few minutes into his speech before Cole collected himself, peeled his eyes off me and focused on the stage.
An hour later when the projector went off and the lights came up, signaling the start of intermission before the Q & A portion of the conference began, I slipped a square of paper into his hands.
“A few questions I thought of for you,” I said.
He unfolded it, reading while absently shaking his head in confoundment. “You did this for me?”
“You say it like no one does anything nice for you.” It was just a few questions. The idea was absurd. He had drivers and assistants and chefs and maids.Lovers,I was sure. Anything he wanted could be obtained with a beckoned call from him.
“It’s not the same,” he said. I thought about Daniel and all his gifts and expensive trips and our fancy apartment in the sky.Hisfancy apartment in the sky. And I got it. It wasn’t the same. Those people were paid to take care of Cole. Even Leland, who appeared to have more than a working relationship with him, was on his payroll. I’d done something for Cole simply because. Something I didn’t have to do.
I shrugged it off as nothing, terrified by the open look on his face. The unveiled love and appreciation. “It’s just a few questions.”
“No,” he said. “It’s not.” He was the first to raise a hand when the time came, his voice booming to be heard down below, and he reached over to squeeze my hand, mouthingthank you,after having been told his question was a good one.
After the conference let out, I treated Cole to his first New York City pretzel. We stood near the hot dog and pretzel cart on the corner, attempting to keep warm as the steam billowed from the boiled water compartment where the hot dogs were stationed. It was a pretty busy corner, but we managed to not get our heads bit off by the passing pedestrians.
I was tempted to buy another one, but time was ticking, and Daniel’s flight was scheduled to land at any moment. I couldn’t stall any longer. “Look, about the fundraiser…” I started. I felt horrible for not inviting him, but with the inevitable craziness of the night, and Daniel being in attendance, I didn’t want to add the anxiety of being in the same room with them onto my plate. Not during a night when the attention shouldn’t be on me and my messy life. Cole probably deserved to be the one to go, but Daniel said he’d come. He’d promised. I couldn’t pass that up.
“It’s alright,” Cole said, saving me. “Leland and I have plans, anyway.”
“Is it wise to hang out after work hours with your subordinates?” I snapped. Thankfully, Cole didn’t comment on my irritation. Myjealousy.
“Leland and I are friends, first. He was there for me when—”
When you weren’t, I finished internally for him. I wanted to ask how things were after I’d left. After I’d abandoned him. That would have to wait for the next round of Chinese and gin, though. I wasn’t brave enough to ask for that truth uninebriated.
