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Exploding into my office, I punched Leland’s number into my desk phone, listening to it ring on speaker as I tore open my closet door, examining the tuxedo hanging within. I’d have to thank him for convincing me having one on hand here made sense.
“You never know when you might need to rush last minute from the office to some pretentious business mixer, or whatever it is you rich folk do,”he’d said.
“Do I even want to know why you’re calling me from the office?” he asked upon answering, music blaring and car horns honking in the background.
I frosted my office door, carrying the tux into my personal bathroom. “I need a raincheck and a favor,” I said, flicking on the standup shower.
“That sounds like two favors to me,” he deadpanned. The city ruckus died down, and a second later he was asking for a beer.Shit.He’d already made it to the bar.
I hit the speaker icon on the bathroom wall phone. “I’m sorry,” I said, “but I don’t have much time.” I stripped down to nothing. “I need to hurry to Sofia’s fundraiser.”
He was silent for a moment, understanding exactly what that meant. “What do you need me to do?”
“Make some calls. See if you can get some friends to show up with their checkbooks.” “Friends” was a term used loosely in the business world, but under the rules of quid pro quo, I was owed a few favors. I inched under the spray before the water had warmed.
“How soon?” Leland asked.
“Within the hour.”
Leland cursed and hung up, and I prayed Jasper seeing my face instead of Daniel’s didn’t do more harm than good.
I hid in the rear of the banquet hall behind the tall, stone pillars that overflowed with white floral arrangements. I surveyed Jasper’s table, the seat to the right of him empty, and every few seconds he’d cast a hopeful glance at the doors in between appearing interested in whatever Sofia spoke vivaciously about. A tall man, who I assumed to be Sofia’s husband by the strong resemblance to her boys, slouched in his chair on the other side of her.
I remained stuck there for a good while, until the crowd of attendees bustling about thinned as everyone seemed to pick up on some unheard signal that things would soon begin.
Jasper appeared to remember there was a back door, where I’d been standing, at the same moment I stepped into the open. His nervously optimistic expression tumbled the moment he spotted me, and when he stretched his neck to get a look behind me and saw no one else, his eyes questioned me, asking me if Daniel would be there. It hurt like hell to have to shake my head no.He turned away sharply, probably blaming me, even if it’d be misplaced, because Daniel was busy with Nexcom.
I claimed the seat next to him, scooting in close to the table as Sofia glanced between Jasper and me, no doubt guessing why I was there, before introducing me to her husband. We shook hands around the floral centerpiece.
The lights dimmed, and the waitstaff poured into the expansive space wearing all white, matching the table linens and seat covers, hands laden with plates of food. Sofia and her husband now leaned into each other, chairs angled close, whispering and quietly trembling with laughter while Jasper ignored my presence.
“I hope it’s okay that I came,” I said. “I ran into Daniel at the office, and when it was clear he wouldn’t make it, I figured I’d show up for you instead.”
We pressed back into our seats, allowing our waiter to place our food in front of us. Jasper reached for his napkin, setting the utensils aside to drape the cloth over his lap. “Was he sorry?” he whispered. “Was he at least fucking destroyed he couldn’t make it?” He finally met my gaze. His hair was gelled back into a sleek bun at his nape, and the sharp points of his cheekbones were tinged pink with either anger or embarrassment, and his eyes were round pools of bleakness. I wanted to send him to his knees, I wanted to get down on mine, I wanted to kiss every aching part of him right then.
I should’ve told him the truth, but I wanted to relieve his pain, not add to it. “I’m sure he was,” I said. Jasper grunted, inhaling the glass of champagne set in front of him before devouring mine, too. His hands disappeared under the table just as everyone else started in on their food.
I picked up my fork, moving the potatoes and peas around, my stomach a ball of knots and blades. I wanted to storm Nexcom’s offices, hoist Daniel to his feet before laying my fists into him, consequences be damned. Instead, I focused on what I could do to help Jasper right then, and discreetly slid the hand closest to him under the table, searching out his fingers, then hooking my pinky around his and squeezed.
A ghost of a gloomy smile played around his lips, and with a sigh, he rolled his shoulders back, and held on when I attempted to pull my hand away. He picked up his fork. “Good thing I learned how to eat with my left hand,” he said.
Jasper took to the stage after we ate, giving a moving speech about how much the cause we were there to support meant to him. I enjoyed seeing him in his element. I felt a pride that went beyond brotherly, beyond what a friend felt for a friend, and beyond even the pride of lovers. I loved him as a person first and foremost. No matter how imperfect he believed himself to be, there was no denying just how perfect he was to me.
How could Daniel not see that? Not appreciate it? And how could Jasper accept that for himself? Had Selene’s death, had the circumstances in which she’d died, truly sent him into a spiral of self-loathing he couldn’t pry himself out of? I felt the weight of it on my shoulders, because I didn’t know how to help him. The more I down talked Daniel, the more Jasper would dig his heels in, the more he’d profess his love for him. Hurting Daniel would win me no points with Jasper. Not as long as he was intent on only seeing the bad in himself. Until that changed, he’d continue to believe himself worthy of what he was receiving, which was nothing.
He introduced Sofia, passed her the microphone and retook his seat and my pinky as he continued to drink the night away.
Jasper wasn’t ready to face Daniel, so we went back to my place. I dragged myself over to the piano, adjacent to the fireplace, and took a seat on the bench, loosening my bow tie as I gazed over my shoulder at him.
Jasper watched me from his drunken lean against the archway. I hadn’t bothered with the light switch; the moon and city lights would have to do.
“Your Steinway,” Jasper said with a slight slur. “I didn’t notice it the last time I was here.”
“Leland surprised me. Had it shipped here from Seattle.” I had no intention of going through the trouble. I hadn’t played it in years. Not since Jasper up and disappeared from my life, removing my source of inspiration. It had only served as a reminder of all we’d lost. A reminder of the times I’d made love to him on top of it or up against it. Times when our parents would jet away for a romantic weekend, leaving us to our own devices. We’d send the staff home and take our pleasure out in the open. No hiding, no hands over mouths or teeth clamped around fists to catch our screams, to soften the blow of our mutual climax. I could still smell the phantom scent of my cum as it trickled from his snug hole onto the shiny black surface of the Baby Grand.
And now, to soothe the yearning in me, I smoothed a finger over the scratches he’d made with his nails, digging them in as I took a belt to him, or fucked him too long and too hard out of jealousy—his or mine, it didn’t matter.
“Leland,” Jasper sneered drunkenly with undisguised resentment. Sharper than the tempered version of the emotion he’d let slip over salted pretzels after the medical conference. My fingers faltered on the lowered fallboard. “What other services does he provide for you?”
