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“Say it,” I snap, then raise my voice when she doesn’t respond immediately. “Natasha!”
“They think he got shot,” Natasha says. “I’m so sorry. You should call one of the guys.”
“Kai’s doing it now,” I reply. “He’s on the phone to them. A shootout? And Ryan shot?”
I repeat it as if it will disappear and stop the ugly reality. It’s too damn painful thinking about Ryan with blood all over his… Oh, Jesus. I’m hyperventilating or almost. I take a few slow breaths.
The kiss, the steaminess, the lies, Emily Dickinson…
“I’ve betrayed him,” I whisper, tears sliding down my cheeks.
Kai’s on the phone a few feet away, his eyes bloodshot, looking like a man who’s just returned from war and is ready to go back again. His tatted arm bulges, veins pressing against his skin, the Titan inflating.
“With Kai?” Natasha asks softly.
“Y-yeah.”
“Don’t think about that now. One step at a time.”
“You’re right. Thank you.”
“I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you.”
I hang up and walk through the prairie, back onto the side of the deserted road. Kai is pacing, looking like a different man from the one I was with recently. He’s got an extra fierce aura as he hangs his cell up, stuffing it in his pocket.
“The Bribones hit them on fuckingMain Street,” Kai roars, pulling his hand back like he’s about to throw his phone. Then he remembers he might need it and hammers his hand against his chest instead. “Those fucking mongrels.”
“What about Ryan?”
When I touch Kai’s hands, he pulls them away. I try not to let myself look wounded and try not to think about what it says about me as a sister, still willing to touch Kai now. Then Kai softens and takes my hands. He squeezes gently. “He was shot in the stomach. They’re taking him to the hospital. They might have to operate. Two Bribones are dead, and the police are questioning a couple of our men.Fuck.”
I stumble away, shaking all over, thinking of Ryan in a hospital bed with a gun wound where his belly should be. It doesn’t seem like it fits. I was arguing with him recently, but nothing crazy, nothing life-changing.
“Kay.”
Kai walks over to me, his hands raised. He takes my shoulders and pulls me into an embrace, holding me there as the sobs start shuddering and erupting. There are so many of them. Wave upon wave of agony smashes through me.
“We have to go back,” I weep. “I have to be with him. The hospital will be guarded, right?”
“Of course it will.”
“Then take me there. Let me be with my brother. Please.”
“He’d want me to keep you as far away from there as possible,” Kai says. “Especially now.”
I grab Kai’s chest and push away to look into his eyes. He needs to see how serious I am. I’m as serious as every sentence I ever wrote in my notebook, as every declaration of belonging. I’ve never been more serious about anything.
“If you don’t take us back, I’ll do it myself. I’ll escape. I’ll get a car. I’m going home, Kai. The only question is, are we going together, or am I making my own way?”
He lets out a sigh, then smiles almost sadly. It’s like a piece of him wishes he didn’t say what he says next, but he can’t stop himself.
“You’re going to make an incredible mother, Kay.”
Even if a huge piece ofmeknows I shouldn’t, I glow under the force of the compliment anyway. Warmth whelms in me, promises of the future that seem so distant from my brother, a hospital bed, and the agony of letting him go.
“We’ll have to tell him when he recovers,” Kai says fiercely.
