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I try to smile. It’s difficult, considering the current circumstances. “You feel like a bad sister, do you?”
Miraculously, he laughs. It brings my thoughts back to when this started before I ever would’ve dreamed he’d want anything to do with me, back when I was just the kid sister and nothing more. “What are you in the mood for?” he asks, walking toward the vending machine.
He rolls his arms and rotates his neck. It’s like he’s getting ready for a fight. There’s thisauraradiating from him, too. Usually, I’d say that’s way too mystical to entertain. I can’t really see hisaura, can I? But it feels like I can. Waves of violence are pulsing from him. It’s almost like he wants things to turn bloody.
He rests his arm against the wall at the vending machine, looking over the selections. Everything he does is so cool and calm, even with the violent intentions pulsing from him. Maybe this is what it’s like, learning to read another human being, the poetry of their personality.
“I’m getting jerky,” he says. “Several servings and one of those godforsaken energy drinks.” He pushes in some coins. “I feel like a kid ordering that. What do you want, Kay?”
He’s called me Kay so many times, yet every time he saysKay, it still sends a shiver of warm disbelief through me. “Some chips,” I tell him, “and a water’s fine. I need to use the restroom.”
I turn away, but then he grabs my hand. He squeezes hard so I can feel the fire scorching through him. Turning back, I find him staring down at me in that nothing-else-exists way—that nothing-else-mattersway. He leans close. “Wait until I’m done here. I’ll come with you.”
“To the ladies’ room?”
He looks around at the empty truck stop. We’re in the middle of nowhere. We’re literally the only people here. A car drives past on the road, just one, but otherwise, it’s just us.
“Just wait,” he says gruffly.
“Kai, I’ll be—”
“You’re waiting,” he snaps. “I can’t let you go alone. If something happened to you, I’d never be able to forgive myself.”
So much emotion enters his voice, fear and protection. He squeezes my hand tighter. He’s not holding me with as much strength as he could. I know that, yet even this small amount is a terrifying preview of the power he can generate.
“Okay,” I whisper. “I’ll wait.”
He lets me go after a pause, pushing more change into the vending machine. Once he’s done, he follows me to the bathroom. I go inside and handle my business, taking longer than I technically need to. As I wash my hands, I think about what will happen when orifRyan learns the truth about his best friend and me.
Is there a chance that Ryan will give us his blessing? Is there a chance he’ll understand how badly we need each other? More likely, he’ll hate me and Kai. It’ll tear the club apart.
“Are you okay?” he asks when I’m done.
“Yeah… fine.”
“Let’s eat,” he says.
We walk over to a small bench a few feet from the parked bike. Another car drives past on the road, but then everything is quiet again. Kai bites into his food forcefully like he’s angry with it. I munch my chips.
“We’ll take another road trip one day,” he says, cracking his can open and sipping the bright orange energy drink. “This stuff is poison, but at least it’ll keep me alert.”
“Another road trip, hmm?” I ask.
He smirks. He can’t hide the seriousness in his eyes. He can’t hide that darkaura, but the twitch in his lips feels significant. He’s making an effort when he has every reason to keep his distance. He shared the most vulnerable parts of himself with me, his most vicious memories, and he’snotclosing off. It feels like a privilege.
“When the war’s done,” Kai says. “When we don’t have to look over our shoulders, I’ll take you someplace. Maybe somewhere we’ve already been before. Maybe somewhere new.”
“Why would you want to go somewhere we’ve already been?”
I get the sense there’s so much he wants to say. He leans over and gently brushes the hair from my face. It sends sizzling desire all through my body. “Because when we go there the second time,” he says, “we’ll be different people. The war will be over. Ryan—” He cuts himself off. He can’t bring himself to say Ryan will approve of us. He can’t even hint at it, the thing we both want so badly. “All of this will seem like a bad dream.”
“I hope so,” I whisper.
We eat without talking for a while. It gives me time to wonder if he was referring to something specific when he said he wanted to visit someplace we’ve been before.
Deep in my heart,
In a place I cannot let myself see,
