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“How did you know?”
“I could just tell.”
“Didheever know?”
“No,” Ryan says. “He was clueless. He saw you as my kid sister, nothing else, but I always knew you had a thing for him.”
“Weren’t you mad?”
“Why would I be?”
“He’s your best friend.”
“It’s not my decision who you fall for. Anyway, girls get crushes all the time. It’s not a big deal.”
I swallow, massaging my forehead, knowing I shouldn’t say this without Kai here. I can’t keep listening to those beeping machines—reminders of what Ryan suffered—and lie to him.
“What if it wasn’t just a crush?” I ask. “What if it was more than that? What if we wanted to be together?”
* * *
I leave the hospital room with a pit in my belly, Ryan’s words bouncing around my mind. Ryan said he wanted to be alone after our conversation.“I need to rest.”That was his excuse, but I could tell that the real reason was he didn’t want to look at me anymore.
He did his best to hide it, but I can’t ignore the fact I’ve betrayed him. We both have. Me and his best friend. Oh, God, and now… I can’t even think about the next bit.
Natasha springs to her feet when I enter the waiting room.
“You’re home?” I gasp, rushing forward and pulling her into my arms.
She squeezes me tightly. “I couldn’t let you go through this alone.”
I almost break down in sobs again, like after the gas station showdown. Despite showering since then, I can still feel the gore, the mess. We sit together in the corner of the waiting room, away from the Titans who are keeping watch over the hospital, overme.
“How’s he doing?” Natasha asks.
“Physically, he’s doing better,” I reply, “but mentally… Well, it’s not like I’m helping him.”
“What?” Natasha gives my hand another squeeze. “Seeing his little sister has given him a boost. I’d bet on that.”
“I don’t know,” I sigh. “I told you I betrayed Ryan but didn’t tell you all the details.” I lower my voice, though the closest Titan isn’t close enough to hear. “If I did, you might feel differently.”
“Lay it on me, then,” Natasha replies. “Don’t hold anything back.”
It’s like the emotions are trying to restrict my speech. Like after the gas station, when I tried to smile, and the sobs broke through anyway. After a steadying breath, I lean close to Natasha, telling her in frantic whispers about the kisses, the steam, and the fact he called mehiswoman. I tell her about him finding the notebook—all of it. Finally, I tell her what happened with Ryan and our plan.
“What if Kai doesn’t answer the way Ryan wants?” Natasha says quietly.
“I don’t know,” I reply, my belly getting tighter, all the nerves conspiring to twist me up inside. “I guess I just have to hope and pray because, honestly, I don’t think I can let him go now. Yet I can’t imagine a life without Ryan in it either.”
“You won’t have to choose,” Natasha says, but she doesn’t sound convinced.
How could she be? I’ve broken one of the unwritten rules of life, a rule everybody should know. A sister doesn’t go after her brother’s best friend. It doesn’t matter if she’s crushed on him for years and thinks she loves him. All that matters is loyalty, but Iamloyal. To my man. To our future. To the poetry of our connection.
“I hope so,” I whisper. “Kai has to come back in one piece first. It’s not like this war is over.”
“Everybody’s saying now that Kai’s home, there’s no way the Bribones stand a chance.”
“I hope so,” I say again. “If something happened to him…” I bite down. I can’t finish the thought.
