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“Phi,” I say. “You have to steady your breaths. Remember four in, four out. In, nose, out, mouth.”
I’ve never been so on edge. Coaching her through her breathing, comforting her through the pain, listening to her screams, and watching as she quakes in a kind of pain I’ll never fully understand. All as our medical team explore ways to get our boy to turn head-first.
It’s stimulation overload. It’s too much to bear.
Though I stay strong for Delphine. I keep calm and maintain my role.
“It’s worked!” the nurse exclaims minutes later. “Baby is head-first. Mommy is ten centimeters. It’s go time.”
* * *
Delivery happens fast. Whereas the labor was a marathon over the span of several hours, the delivery is a sprint that begins and ends within half an hour. I remain by Delphine’s side and do what I can to support her as she pushes through the pain and bodily trauma.
Her gut-wrenching screams echo around the room. A sound I’ll never forget, though as I hold her hand and utter encouragement, I can’t help being in awe.
If I thought Delphine was a goddess before, it’s a testament to that belief—my wife gives life.
I witness the beautiful moment with my own two eyes. I hear the first wail of our baby boy as he emerges into the world.
The nurse quickly hands the baby over, gently placing him onto Delphine’s chest. We share in a smile, staring at the life we created together as he gurgles and wiggles his ten fingers and toes.
“You did it, Phi,” I say, dropping a kiss to her damp forehead. “You gave me a son.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you by my side. Hold our boy, Jon. He needs to meet his daddy.”
I ease the squirming newborn from Delphine’s arms and cradle him close. A feeling I’ve never experienced before washes over me—the purest form of love, which leaves my heart feeling lighter than it’s ever been.
I love this boy more than I can ever possibly begin to verbalize. More than I can even understand.
My boy. I’m a father now.
4
delphine
The first twenty-fourhours after giving birth feels like a time loop of sleeping and feeding. I’m more than a little dazed, my mind muddled and my body aching as if it’s been through a violent war. I spend most of my time resting with Salvatore at my side and our precious baby boy clinging to me.
Already I feel more bonded to him than I ever have to another human being. More of an instant, unconditional love.
Everything that’s mine, every part of me, is his should he ever need it.
Even through the haze that’s my mind, my primary focus is caring for him. Ensuring he’s fed and healthy.
He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen—six pounds, eight ounces, with a headful of matted dark hair I can already tell will curl. He’s lively, constantly squirming and making the softest, most adorable gurgling noises.
More than once, I catch Salvatore watching me watch him.
I hold our eye contact and give him a smile I hope communicates everything filling my heart to the brim. How in love with him I am. How grateful I am he’s been by my side every moment. How fortunate it is that this is only our beginning.
The start of our family.
“What are you thinking?” I ask.
Salvatore looks uncharacteristically bashful for a quick second—his blue-green gaze twinkles with an emotion I can’t place and then he glances down at his hands clasped in front of him, his elbows on his thighs and his sitting position bent forward. He stares absently for a second like he’s working through the thoughts in his head, his ears tinging red.
“Jon… you can tell me…” I say softly, stroking our baby boy’s tiny head as it rests against my chest and he dozes.
“I was just… thinking…” he pauses, then his intense gaze flicks up to meet mine again. “Phi, our son has survived from you. Everything he’s ever consumed has come from you.Yougrew this little life inside you and then brought him into the world. All by your own doing. And now he’s surviving thanks to you—you feeding him, giving him the sustenance he needs. It amazes me when I stop and think about it. When I see you doing it so naturally. Being the nurturer our baby boy needs you to be. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.”
