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Chapter One
Bear lay still, tryingnot to disturb the girl who was next to him. The faint light from the blinds let him see the top of her head nestled under his chin. He breathed in her scent. The unique one his brain told him was his safe, secure home. He flipped through his memories of last night, working to understand how they’d ended up like this. Not that he hadn’t wanted her forever. Not wanted—craved. Being around her had become a compulsion because when she was near, peace and sunshine surrounded him. Not the platitude of let’s all get along peace. No, it was that deep, sink into his soul peace where everything quieted and he could breathe. It seemed like he’d loved her forever.
The first time he recognized her as the woman she’d become, he’d been home on leave from the Army. He’d been thirty-three and she’d been twenty-three. The song he heard when he noticed her, “Drops of Jupiter,” still made him think of that first glimpse of her whenever it played. She’d had on tight thigh- and butt-hugging jeans and a black tank top with the bail bonds logo on it in neon green, highlighting her small breasts. She had an athlete’s body and even with her smaller breasts, he couldn’t take his eyes off her, even though it was exactly where he had no business looking. He’d torn his eyes away when he’d realized she was Locks’ middle daughter all grown up and the younger sister of his only female friend, Remington. She’d been grinning and laughing at something one of her sisters had said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. He wondered at the time what color to call it. Brown was too tame a term for the way the sunlight made it change colors. He’d craved walking over into her presence just to have a little of her sunshine. To bathe in the warmth of her presence for a little while.
The second time he’d denied himself, he’d been forty and she’d been thirty. He’d left the Army, joined the police force, and had made detective in the big city. Her family had been building a gym and wanted his expertise in planning for the unexpected. He was good at that—thinking of the worst-case scenario. It’s how his brain worked. If he could think through all the worst things that could happen, he could plan for them. It helped him feel like he had a semblance of control over his life. One of the many little traumas his incubator had left him with. He’d helped on the gym plans all the while trying to not fall for her. Between her bringing him healthy food because she deemed he needed to eat better and her trying to get him to work out with her, he’d lost the battle. Lifting weights beside her, it was all he could do to keep his dick from having a life of its own. She wasn’t like the women he usually picked up for a couple of nights. She was toned with small breasts, almost small enough to not need a bra, but it didn’t stop him from wanting her. She was off limits—friend’s little sister and daughter of an original in the MC. Plus, ten fucking years between them was a lot. He’d experienced things in the Army that had changed him and later as a police officer, he'd seen the worst of humanity. It might be ten years but he felt ancient next to her with her grin he craved to see.
He'd spent his whole life pushing down all the things most people dreamed about. Whenever he saw kids, he’d remind himself he couldn’t chance passing along whatever screwed up genes caused his incubator to do the horrible things she’d done. He’d content himself with enjoying his friends’ kids. He could be that favorite uncle who brought the kids all the cool toys and took them on fun adventures but was always on the outside. When he dreamed of a woman, he reminded himself it wasn’t for him. He couldn’t allow them to be in danger.
The third time he’d denied himself was when he and his friends had moved home for good to the MC, a little over three and a half months ago. Everything about her called to him but he was grumpy on his good days and downright snarly and unapproachable on his bad days—which happened a lot. She was a breath of fresh air on a hot, humid day. She’d walk into a room and he’d forget what he’d been irritated about. She was forever trying to get him to try one of her healthy creations. Most of them were edible and some of them actually tasted good, but it wasn’t her food he hungered for. It was how she was the sun when he could only see darkness, but he couldn’t take the chance he would ruin her. She deserved a world full of beauty.
Obviously, he was an asshole, though, because her head was lying on his shoulder, her silky hair tickling his neck, which is what had woken him. Her toned thigh was over his. His fingers itched to slide down and see if she was wet for him. Each time he’d reached for her during the night, she’d been ready and willing to do whatever he desired. The sounds she’d made when she came had him hardening, but he couldn’t give in.
They’d been coming back from a three-day security gig. He’d kept it professional the whole time, though it had worn on him. He found himself gravitating close to her because she was one of the few women he enjoyed being around. She and her sisters hadn’t given him an option but to let them in. He kept most at a distance.
They’d been driving back from Topeka when the tornado warning had come through. If they’d continued home, they’d drive right into the warning area. He wasn’t willing to risk them both when it was dark, and they couldn’t even see if something was coming. They’d found one room available with a queen-size bed. He’d decided he’d sleep on the floor because he wasn’t sure he could keep his hands to himself. What an understatement. Holding her in his arms had started as a craving but built to a tsunami of need. It was all he could do to stop himself from reaching over in the SUV to feel her touch. Even a brush of her fingers soothed something in his soul.
When the thunderstorm had come through, he’d heard her whimper. She was so fucking strong, but thunderstorms and the threat of tornadoes freaked her out. He knew there was a reason he shouldn’t crawl into bed with her but with her staring at him over the edge of the bed, her eyes pleading with him—his blood had all gone south, and he wasn’t thinking clearly.
Winnie had asked him to come up on the bed. From there, he hadn’t been able to resist. Her soft lips against his neck sent shivers down his spine. Her hand trailing down his torso, ruffling his chest hair as he held the most precious thing in the world against him. He’d held still—clenching his abs, resisting her siren’s call. When her fingers had slid inside his briefs, tracing his piercings, he’d tried to hold back a moan but her touch had him turning and taking her lips. Lips clashing, her hardened nipples scraping against his chest. The first time had been fast. He’d kissed and tugged on her nipples, then made sure she was wet. She’d been soaked and when he notched his cock at her entrance, he’d paused, trying to hold back. Winnie’s legs had wrapped around his hips, her hands grasping his shoulders, and when her voice had whispered,please, Bear,he’d quit fighting the urge to take her. Sliding inside the clasp of her pussy had him hoping he could hold back long enough to satisfy her. He wanted to savor his cock gliding in and out of the woman he’d dreamed of but it was too good.
Being inside Winnie had been heaven and he’d wanted to make it last but a couple thrusts of his hips had her clenching on him, groaning her release. He’d followed her over quickly, shouting out her name. He’d brushed a kiss across her forehead as he rolled to the side, snuggling her on his shoulder.
He could maybe forgive himself if it had been a one-off but after he’d had her once, he reached for her two more times. He’d had to taste her. Once he’d started, he couldn’t taste her enough—her lips, her hardened nipples, and then her flat belly before he tugged her thighs apart. The smell of his woman had him diving in. She’d shivered when his beard brushed against her. At the first swipe of his tongue through her cleft he’d savored her flavor, knowing he’d never tasted anything better. Holding her thighs as they shook, he mentioned he loved her pretty pussy, and she’d detonated.
Each time Winnie had come, she’d whimpered his given name, Benton—not his road name. If he thought he wouldn’t ruin her, he’d take her home and never let her go.
It had been the best night of his life, but he couldn’t let it go on. She deserved sunshine, roses, and a family. His life wasn’t for her. He’d known since he was a teenager that he wasn’t taking a chance passing on his bad blood to anyone else. Rascal had been a wonderful father and if he was the only person in the picture, Bear might think differently, but he wasn’t. Rascal had taken him away from his incubator. He didn’t call her mother because she’d been the farthest thing from all that title entailed. She’d come back in his life multiple times and chaos always followed. If she thought someone was important to Bear, she wreaked devastation wherever she could. It was only a matter of time before she showed up at the Bluff Creek Brotherhood MC clubhouse and destroyed everything he’d built. With all his issues, he couldn’t take the chance of ruining Winnie’s life. She was better off without him but his chest hurt at the thought of inflicting pain. He rubbed the ache and inhaled her clean, feminine scent. He’d come to associate it with a home he always imagined.
She shifted against him, her nose burrowing into his neck. He dreamed of a life with Winnie but despite every scenario he imagined, they never got their happily ever after. Her dad, Locks, was an original member and definitely wouldn’t want his daughter tainted by Bear’s issues. He’d want a good man. Bear may have served in the Army and later served as a police officer and detective, but Locks knew where he’d come from. Bear couldn’t see Locks wanting him or any of the baggage Bear brought with him tainting Winnie’s life.
He'd get out of bed, go grab coffee and breakfast, then wake Winnie so they could get on the road. Maybe by the time he got back to the room, he’d be able to figure out what to say to her. How did he say we can’t see or touch each other again, even though last night was the first time he felt whole? She was the elusive dream he yearned for but wasn’t allowed to have. If he was a better man, he’d have held firm and never touched her, but he wasn’t.
He gingerly moved until his pillow replaced his shoulder under Winnie’s face. He craved to brush her hair back from her cheek and kiss her full lips but he couldn’t. She was too perfect, too good, and she was worthy of a hero. He wasn’t a hero. He’d come from a good man and an evil woman. His incubator reminded him every chance she had that he wasn’t worth anything. Winnie was sunshine, light, and all that was good. He couldn’t tarnish her life. She wasn’t for him. She deserved so much better.
Chapter Two
