Page 8 of The Grumpy Dad


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I nodded. “I need to call a few references. Her résumé looks good. She doesn’t look like any other nanny I’ve ever hired, but that could be a good thing. Clearly, what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working. It’s time to change things up.”

“What do you mean she doesn’t look like any other nanny?” Izzy asked skeptically.

“For one, she’s a lot younger than the others,” I replied. “And she’s got some tattoos. She gives off a fun vibe. I don’t think she’s going to demand Lily eat zero sugar, read all day, and demand she stay clean. This young lady looks like she might be a little more carefree.”

“Is that a good thing? I mean, you just lectured me about giving Lily ice cream before dinner.”

“Because I know you,” I said. “Your ice cream comes with syrup and sprinkles and whipped cream and whatever else you can pile on top.”

Izzy laughed. “Go big or go home.”

“Anyway, I’m willing to give it a try. I have to do something different. We’re getting nowhere with the other nannies. I’ll be so glad when I don’t have to deal with all of this.”

“Nannies?”

“Yes.” I nodded. “I find myself in this position more often that I like. It’s a pain in the ass. I find a nanny and she quits after a few months.”

“Maybe it’s not the nanny that’s the problem,” she suggested.

“If you’re suggesting my daughter is the problem, I’m not going to be very happy.”

She laughed. “No, not your daughter—you.”

“Me?” I frowned. “I don’t do shit. They are all paid very, very well. They get to hang out in my house. They aren’t asked to do any housekeeping. I do ask they make Lily dinner but what else are they going to be doing? It’s not like they have to change diapers and spoon-feed Lily. You know her, she’s pretty self-reliant. I ask them to help her with homework, but I know that rarely happens. Lily is too smart to need their help. She doesn’t need shit from them.”

“Alright, alright.” She laughed. “Someone is a little sensitive.”

“Yes, I am,” I defended. “That bitch nanny the other day said something about wanting to take care of babies because they don’t talk back. Lily doesn’t talk back and I’m not just saying that because she’s my kid.”

“I agree. Lily is a good girl. I hope the new nanny works out. Lily needs some continuity in her life.”

“Thank you,” I agreed.

“I’ll see you tonight,” she said. “Don’t rush. Take all the time you need. We love hanging out with Lily. Maybe you should take this hot little nanny out to dinner. Actually, now that I think about it, is the nanny for you or Lily?”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, someone has a crush on the nanny,” she teased.

“She’s not the nanny and I haven’t had a crush since I was six,” I said with a sigh. “This is for Lily. I’m changing things up.”

“But wouldn’t that be cute if the two of you ended up together?”

“No,” I deadpanned.

“It wouldn’t kill you to look for a mommy for Lily,” she said quietly. “You’re letting one rotten woman cloud your judgement. Not all of them are like Mariah. You knocked up a bad egg. You got a good egg out of the deal, but Mariah does not speak for me or any other woman I know. She was a fool. You’ve been single for nine years. I worry about you.”

“Why are you worried about me?” I asked.

“Because you live in that big house with just your daughter. Lily is nine. She’s not going to be a child forever. In a few years, she’s going to be a teenager. I don’t care how good a father you are or how awesome a daughter she is, teens and parents don’t mix. She’s going to want to spread her wings and fly. Look how fast the first nine years flew by. The next nine are going to go just as fast. Lily is going to go off to college, meet a man, and start her own family. And you’ll still be living in your castle alone.”

“Gee, Izzy, it’s always such a pleasure talking to you,” I said sarcastically. “You know just how to cheer a guy up.”

“I’m sorry, but I want you to find love,” she said. “I have and it’s amazing. Besides, don’t you think Lily might want a mother figure in her life? Even if it’s a stepmom, it’s more than what she has right now.”

“She has you.” I shrugged.

“You know what I mean.” She sighed.

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