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“Give me five to dress,” Dmitri said.
It was more than easy to do as Dmitri requested, and long before he was out of the bed, Raphael had showed himself out.
8
“Tell me about the date.”Dmitri sipped his coffee and stared across the table at Raphael, who was picking at his eggs, and he kicked him when his friend refused to look up. Raphael had been subdued during his birthday stargazing, but Dmitri had been too relaxed from the facial to bring it up. Now though, at breakfast, he was aware the melancholy was still haunting Raphael’s steps. “You only order poached eggs when you’ve had a shitty date.”
Raphael rolled his eyes and pushed his plate away. “I have the worst tells.”
“Yeah, you do.” Dmitri grinned at him and appreciated that Raphael smiled right back. “Come on. Tell me everything, and I’ll get Luca to come with me to beat him up.”
“Not worth it. It wouldn’t even bother me, but it was two dates in a row. And Jayden set up the second.” Raphael’s thumb flicked at the handle of his mug with his short, blunt nail. “He didn’t tell him I have CP.”
Dmitri’s eyebrows shot up. “Uh. Why?”
“It was…” Raphael trailed off, then sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Jayden means well, but he seems to think someone’s only worthy if they can look past it.” He waved his hand toward his legs. “He doesn’t understand it’s who I am.”
“But,” Dmitri started to argue, but Raphael’s gaze locked on his, and his words died.
“It’s not all of me, but loving me doesn’t make it go away. Falling for me doesn’t remove the necessity to pay attention to stairs. It doesn’t stop the seizures.”
“You had one,” Dmitri said flatly, not at all a question. “You didn’t call anyone, did you?” He knew this, because Luca had been out of town for a week, and Dmitri’s phone had been silent.
Raphael shrugged, then took a long sip of his coffee. “I didn’t want to be coddled this time.” And it wasn’t like it was ever Dmitri’s job to do the coddling. Occasionally, Raphael wanted comfort, and it was always Luca who sat there with Raphael’s head in his lap. And Dmitri would have given up the use of his right arm to be him—just for one afternoon, but he’d given up that hope after twelve long months of being relegated to a specific kind of friend without those privileges.
And it was fine.
He’d survive without touch. He just didn’t enjoy it.
“So, did the guy freak out when he saw you?”
Raphael snorted into his mug, then set it down and wiped his mouth. “Not as bad as he could have, but he made me feel like a spectacle. Then he ordered for me, thanked the server for me, and it was a miracle he didn’t try to carry me to my car.”
Dmitri grimaced. “Cute.”
“It wasn’t.” Raphael reached across the table and stole one of his sausages, licking his fingers, which made Dmitri go a little too hot in his belly. “I considered calling him just to throw him off. I think he’s the sort of man who would date me to prove he wasn’t a prick.”
“God. Don’t do that to yourself.”
Raphael blinked at him. “Do I look that desperate?”
“Should I give an honest answer?” Dmitri asked with a grin, and Raphael flicked some egg yolk at him that narrowly missed his shoulder. He sobered after a minute, then leaned his elbow on the table and fought the urge to reach for Raphael’s hand, though he knew his friend wouldn’t allow it. “I think you’re lonely.”
“Charming view of me,” Raphael grumbled.
“It’s not a bad thing. I mean, it is what it is.” He bit his lip as his next words threatened to gut him, no matter how much he meant them. “You should let me set you up.”
Raphael choked on his last swallow of coffee and set his mug down a little too hard. “Dmitri…”
“Bitte,” he said, mangling the pronunciation, but the surest way to get Raphael to agree was to slip into German. He watched as Raphael’s entire body softened, and he sank back against the booth. Dmitri took a single moment to appreciate him—the way the light played off his hair, the soft wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, how there was youth and age all swirling like a galaxy to make up the man sitting across from him. Dmitri loved him in a thousand different ways, and he knew there was no light at the end of that tunnel.
But at the very least, he could help Raphael find someone. Maybe then he could move on. Maybe then he could reapply hope to himself in being able to find someone who understood and wanted to love him for the sum of his parts, and not just for the bits and pieces they could tolerate.
“I appreciate the offer,” Raphael said after a long moment, “but you and I are in the same place. There’s little for me here.”
Dmitri smiled down at his near empty plate. “That’s…the other thing I wanted to tell you.”
“You’re leaving,” Raphael said, and there was a sharp edge to the words that made it sound like an accusation.
