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Dmitri fought the urge to roll his eyes, because Raphael was a good man, and someone who might actually believe in small miracles, but he was also a fatalist. “Where the hell would I be going? No, I just…I think I have a job with Roman.”
Raphael relaxed almost instantly, and his face bloomed into a bright smile as he leaned forward. “I didn’t know you were going to apply. Why didn’t you tell me last night?”
“Because I applied a year ago, but Roman couldn’t get approved for funding until last month. And I wasn’t sure I was going to do it,” Dmitri added. Even after his most recent call with Roman, it didn’t feel real.
There were conditions. College, for one. He could do his first two years at the community college and finish up the rest online at the University. And he’d have to accept being trained under Roman wasn’t going to be easy, but hard work had never frightened him off.
And of course, as Roman said, he would be subjected to “Aksel’s obnoxious bullshit” whenever he was around, but Dmitri didn’t mind that either. He didn’t want to say he was looking forward to the change, because in his life change was rarely good. He could count on one hand the times that change hadn’t devastated his life. But something told him not to turn this down.
It was that same quiet voice that urged him to print out the application and fill it out a year ago.
And the same one that let Aksel bully him into taking it out of his car and handing it in.
“I guess, uh…I guess I’m the newest trainee park ranger,” Dmitri mumbled.
He didn’t look up until warm fingers touched his hand, and he blinked into Raphael’s smiling gaze. “I’m proud of you.”
Dmitri’s chest went warm. “Thank you.”
After a beat, Raphael’s hand withdrew, and Dmitri curled his fingers in toward his palm to stave off how desperately he wanted to be touched again. “I still don’t see what this has to do with you finding me someone to date.”
And yes…there was that. A stupid fucking plan he’d been thinking about since he signed up online for the community college and started selecting his classes. “You’re smart,” Dmitri said, ticking off his fingers. “You’re attractive. You’re funny. You’re kind of mean, but people seem to like that…”
“And you continue to list my most charming attributes,” Raphael said with a wry grin.
“You use words like attributes,” he added with a grin. “Part of the job means that I have to start going to classes.”
Raphael’s brows lifted high on his forehead. “At the University?”
“The community college to start. Then Roman said I can finish my last two years online while I start working full time for him.”
Raphael drummed his fingers on the table. “Can you afford it? A part time job, plus school. Roman’s a good man, but he might not entirely understand the position it puts you in.”
Dmitri tried not to let himself feel as Raphael’s kindness battered him. He wanted him to shut up and never stop in equal measure, and it was all he could do to keep breathing. “So, this job is paying for my degree—and Roman said there’s a scholarship, which means I won’t even have to pay up front. And Wilder said I can squeeze in hours when and where I need them, so I won’t have to worry about making my bills.”
Raphael bit his lip. “What if you came to live with me?”
At that, Dmitri almost choked on his own tongue. “Uh…why would I…?”
“I have a free room—I have two of them, in fact. So much space I never use, and you could stay there and not worry about rent because you wouldn’t have it.”
He meant well, but the suggestion threatened to cut Dmitri’s throat, and he managed to shake his head without it looking like an outright rejection. “I need to do this on my own, okay? I’ve been feeling…” He didn’t quite have the words for it beyond lonely and melancholy, and he knew Raphael had noticed. They’d done his birthday out there on his car hood, watching for shooting stars and talking about nothing at all. He was soft and limber and smelled like oranges from the massage.
And he was more in love than ever.
And more alone than ever.
And it was perfectly fine, except he was wanting more now than he was when he first saw the application. He needed something else to cling to, and maybe the college thing would be good for him too because it meant fresh faces who didn’t look at him as some non-sexual, troubled kid with no identity and a criminal record.
Parts of those things were him. He was ace, though he still thought about sex a lot. And he was still troubled some nights, and his criminal record had gone by way of turning eighteen, but he’d still done those things. That one thing. That one, stupid, thoughtless thing that painted the picture of who he was, and it would last the rest of his life.
So, the college thing could work. For him and for Raphael. There would be a whole new blanket of souls for him to meet, to get to know, to assess. He wouldn’t settle for anyone not worthy of Raphael, and it might not be as easy as he hoped, but he’d be willing to try. And for himself, he’d settle—because being with anyone except Raphael was settling.
And then he wondered if it would ever be fair to another person, because loving someone second—because the one he loved first would never love him back—seemed cruel. But he probably wasn’t the only pining man out there, and he’d wait. He’d wait until it fit.
For now, he could put his focus on Raphael.
“Dmitri?”
